How to Get Over Your Love for Ninjas

Despite what ninja fan sites will tell you, the life of the modern day ninja isn’t all glory and glamour. While serving as the private army for some feudal lord might have been your previous life, today, ninjas find themselves in an increasingly complex global economy.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

1. Realize that ninjas are real people with job and lives. Ninjas need to eat and pay child support like the rest of us. No amount of sword play is going to get that Internet guy to come set up your service sooner or bring back that furniture you ruined.
2. Patience and focus might help ninjas take advantage of bad guys or invade the secret headquarters of super villains, but it won’t always win your friends. Who wants to hang out with that guy who just sits in a dark corner all the time wearing black?
3. Sometimes ninjas forget who they really are. Ninjas spend their whole lives following orders, attacking in groups, and being the faithful servants of someone else’s ideas. Finding out what a ninja wants on his pizza can take hours.
4. Ninjas are bad travel companions. Since ninjas are usually paid in abstract things like “honor” or “pride,” they usually don’t have very much money and are used to sleeping on roofs or wooden floors.
5. Although popular representations of ninjas in movies and video games might have seemed “cool,” let’s look a little deeper. Without a college degree or communication skills, what is a ninja going to do in a recession?
6. When you find out your elementary school bus driver was also a vigilante by night, don’t be too surprised. Ninjas today find themselves working two or three jobs to stay afloat, and forget about insurance premiums, no one will cover your “lifestyle.”