How to Spot a Secret Agent

Have you ever wondered if your uncle is really a spy for the KGB? Have you ever suspected the furniture store that never seems to sell anything of being a cover for some covert den of international espionage? If conspiracy theory is your game, than I have a few insider tips on how to catch a secret agent in action.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

1. Every secret agent has a “cover,” which can include a job, friendships, family, personality, beliefs, and even memories. The trick is to see through it.
2. Record “suspicious” behavior like someone talking into a newspaper or buying decaffeinated coffee.
3. Try to locate a building nearby with roof access and set up camp. When you are up there, look for people wearing abnormally long scarves in crowds or walking like a robot. Automatons are becoming more and more popular in the spy industry—low overhead, great work ethic.
4. Sometimes the closest people are the most dangerous. Test your friends by asking them “if the shipment is going out tomorrow” or “who they really are?” They will probably just act confused, get angry, and tell you to leave, but we know they really want space so they can “report to their superiors.”
5. When your boss tells you that you have really been slacking off at your job lately and that you should focus more on delivering results, tell him “the results are on the way.” This is probably vague enough to be code for something and will buy you some more reconnaissance time.
6. Beware of “volunteers” who sit outside of busy public buildings and ask for signatures. They might say they are really trying to improve the environment, but we both know that they are just gathering handwriting profiles so they can forge a mail-bomb to a foreign embassy.