How to Ruin a Party

Any home and garden magazine can tell you how to plan a captivating party, but how about how to ruin a party? This is especially handy when the party is boring or you just feel like bringing things to an end. No matter what way you look at it, if you ruin a party in a properly dramatic fashion, there is a good chance that people will still be talking about you for years to come.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

1. Run your hand under some lukewarm water and then shake someone’s hand. When they ask why it is wet, tell them you were just looking for your keys in the toilet.
2. After dinner is over, help out with clearing the table by diving across it head first with your hands in the air. When your friends and/or family look on shocked, just tell them how thankful we should be for the things we have.
3. If you are going to a New Year’s party, go dressed as the “human time bomb.” Wrap a flag around your waist with nothing on underneath. When the ball drops, let them know what freedom means. If people seem offended, just tell them it is just your way of coping with a terminal disease.
4. Tell that story about that time you accidentally killed your friend’s cat and then convinced them that it had run away to a better family. Time heals all wounds.
5. Make everyone sit down to watch your “interpretative dance” of that latest Britney Spears single. Hopefully, it involves some convulsing. At the end of the dance, throw your drink on someone’s lap and say “I am nobody’s child!” They will totally get it.