How to Audition for Bret Michaels' "Rock of Love" on VH1

He's hot. He's a rock star. He's Bret Michaels, the lead singer from the band Poison and he's looking for love on his very own reality show, "Rock of Love." In order to even be considered for the show, you will need to send in a video tape. But before you make the tape there are some things you may need to brush up on in order to make your video submission stand out from the rest.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Video camera
• Cleavage (a lot of it)
• Skimpy clothes
• Ability to hold your alcohol (or not)
• Blonde hair (real or obviously dyed)
• Balls (big ones)

1. 
    
   Lacey

   Change your name to Daisy or Brandi or Destiny or any other cheesy, cutesy, "Hustler"-like name. And, of course, the more dipsy, empty-headed sounding the name, the better.

2. 
    
   Pole dancing competition

   Practice pole dancing. Now, what would a home be without its very own stripper pole? Well, of course Bret's "Rock of Love" abode is no exception and so of course, it has one. And of course, you MUST be ready for Bret's pole competition (trust me, there is one!) So whether you have a pole installed in your house or you head to your local fire station (the boys in the firehouse will of course, welcome you with open arms for this), practice wrapping your legs around the pole as you hang upside down as your hair hangs seductively around your face.

3. 
    
   Boobs

   Practice flashing your ****s. "Rock of Love" is almost (ALMOST) a step above the "Girls Gone Wild" franchise so while there is no full frontal nudity (at least that is televised anyway) it can't hurt to show Bret what he can look forward to. So as you go about your business during the day, practice flashing your co-workers, the butcher, the postman and the gardener. If they walk away with huge smiles on their faces and don't shrink in horror, then chances are you have a shot at making Bret a very happy man.

4. 
    
   Drinking!

   Practice drinking. With the nightly parties and drinking competitions, you need to make sure your liver is in good working order. So practice upping your alcohol intake by downing 2 beers with breakfast, a shot of whiskey at lunch and 2 magnums of champagne for dinner. If you can handle all that, well then you're ready for the big time.

5. 
    
   Dirtbike competition

   Gear up on your sports abilities. Bret likes women who are athletic and on the show he usually has them compete in some rather physical competitions (e.g. playing touch football in mud, which was dubbed the "Mud Bowl" and competing in a roller derby competition). So get out your roller skates, brush up on your football skills, lift some weights (but not too much, of course, Bret doesn't like his women too muscular) and whip that body into shape!

6. 
    
   Your competition

   Make your video. Now put all that you have learned and practiced to work. Put on the skimpiest, hottest pink negligee-like dress, tease your dyed blonde hair within an inch of its life and strut your stuff for the camera. Dance on that pole, throw back some margaritas and flash that bootie that Bret will able to bounce a quarter off of. When talking about yourself make sure to speak in an airheaded, childlike manner and throw in some giggles for good measure. Finally, to end the video on a high note, flash the camera and throw Bret a big ol' kiss!

7. 
    
   That heartbreaker, Jes!

   If you're selected to be on the show, congratulations! And if the big guy actually chooses you to be his rocker chick for life, double congratulations! BUT make sure that your feelings for Bret are mutual. At the end of season one, Bret chose Jes, who alas, decided that she didn't quite carry a torch for good ol' Bret who was then forced to begin filming "Rock of Love, Season TWO"! Poor guy.

Tips & Warnings

• If you do make the cut and wind up on the show, try not to get TOO friendly with your roommates. Remember, this is a competition and your goal is to get Bret to notice you and only YOU!
• While there is a lot of drinking on the show, a lot of it is just for fun. But if you find yourself turning to drinking a little too much just to get through your day, speak to a professional immediately. You may have a drinking problem that can turn deadly.

Resources

• Rock of Love