How to Build Confidence by Talking

As a teenager growing up in a small town I realized that I was extremely, painfully shy and had a difficult time speaking in front of groups and, especially, to or with girls of my age. I could communicate fairly well with adults and with people close to me. I realized that somehow to get to the other side of the world where I had to communicate in front of groups or with girls required something special and different for me.
I guess I was so bored that already inside my head that I started drumming up the words that I would say to a girl. Things like: "Gosh, did you notice that Mr. Smith, our history teacher, has a nervous tick every time he says the word,"military"? Or: "Did you notice how brilliant Mr. Fred was today as he analysed the geometry problem dealing with trapezoids?" We would share secrets about our classmates and teachers or school in general, and eventually would ask each other what we like to do on the weekend, such as going to movies and the Dairy Queen afterwards. What I noticed in sharing ideas and thoughts that it was a way of getting away from my timidity and focusing on something other than my inability to speak on my feet. I was fast making friends with girls, I already could do that with the guys on the track team where I ran track or the boy's choir. To me, it was never about expressing excessive flattery or my becoming a popular person. Eventually, I could speak in front of my classes. I went on to become a college professor of French and Spanish of 32 years because of that quantum leap away from my shyness.

Things You'll Need

• Muster up the courage to break away from your shyness or even your status quo, what is so familiar to you
• Practice sessions in your mind, or out on walks, where you can practice what you want to say on the phone or in person.
• Call someone whom you thought was unapproachable. You may be surprised that you can actually speak well and with confidence after awhile.

Instructions

How to Build Confidence by Talking

1. Know what it is that is your threshold of reluctance to speak and where your shyness stems from. Decide to do something about it. Decide with whom you would most like to speak.

2. Practice the words that you will say either aloud, in your head, or on paper where you can anticipate what the other person may say, so that you can have a ready response or, at least, a reasonable one. Either way, in time it will bring out your confidence level.

3. When you call up the person, you already have a fairly good template of what you are going to say initially as in the greeting(s), such as how the day went, may I speak with you regarding today's assignment in geometry? What is key is anticipating the call in the first place, beyond anything else and just breaking that silence. Because you know that there is no silence in your own head and that you have a lot to say. You just have to coax it out of the other person at the other end of the line, all the while you do not have to worry about how you look or what you are wearing, or that you are even shy, etc.

4. This talking on the phone worked for me. I knew from the get-go that I had to do something to break out into the big world of speaking with girls or with someone who was unapproachable. You would be surprised how many people were wanting to talk to me and were afraid to. I am very glad that I took the first step and many times that is all that is required.

Tips & Warnings

• Be willing to take a small quantum leap through the telephone to erradicate your shyness. It does not have to be a personal call, all it requires is that you have something else in mind to chat about that is important to you as in a homework assignment that needs clarity, the list is endless.

• I have never looked back and said to myself that I should not have tried talking on the phone to rid myself of my crippling shyness. I would say that it would be worse to have to deal with this on a more serious scale later, such as interviewing for a job or something equally momentous: asking the girl of your dreams for a date.