Step1
Make a commitment to never yell, scream, rant, or rave any longer. The oppositional teen has got you where she wants you once you lose your cool and begin to verbally attack and lower yourself to behaviors less mature and reasonable than the teen is displaying. The teen has won the power struggle game if you lose it. Get smart and make a commitment to become a “thinking person’s parent” who has developed a plan of action pro-actively so that you no longer are falling into the trap of always reacting to what the teen has done or not done!
Step2
Make a commitment to develop a policy manual for your children. If the teen is not the only child or even when he is, you must commit to create a procedural manual which outlines all of the parental expectations you have for your child(ren) and list all of the consequences if these expectations are not met. See tips below for the list of areas you need to create consequences for your children. It is important that the policy manual include all of the children so that it doesn't look like you are targeting this new structure just at the oppositional teen. All of the children must be held to the same expectations and consequences.
Step3
Have a family meeting to introduce the family policy manual. It is important that you present it to the entire family, going over each and every expectation and resulting consequences so that it is clearly outlined, defined and explained to the children including the oppositional teen. Schedule the meeting at a time when every family member can be there. Stick to the agenda. At the end of the presentation, have each child sign and date the policy manual. Then you sign and date it. This becomes the family contract as to how all expectations for behaviors will be managed in the family from that point forward with no yelling, screaming, ranting and raving.
Step4
Utilize the family policy manual once all family members have signed it. From the moment it is signed the manual becomes the “bible” by which the family rules, roles and functions are managed. If there is an infraction of a rule, directive or order, then the child who has made the infraction is brought to the family policy manual where the consequence for the infraction is documented. You then say to the child who has not met the expectation that: “the manual says such and such as the consequence and that consequence will now be instituted for you.” You do not have to yell, scream, rant or rave at any child especially the oppositional child if an expectation is not met. All you need to do is enforce the family policy manual consequences.
Step5
Enforce the consequences spelled out in the manual. You are expected to enforce the consequences to the fullest be it with one of the other children or the oppositional teen who did not meet an expectation. Do not deviate from the consequences spelled out in the in the manual. Stick to it and it will work for you.
Step6
Be consistent in following the family policy manual. Oppositional teens are always waiting for you to put your guard down and not be consistent with the execution of the consequence prescribed. Do not waiver from enforcing the written policies. You will find the oppositional teen will be obedient if you do not waver, especially if the consequence is extreme like the teen no longer having use of the family car or a car of her own.
Step7
Get support from other parents. It is always helpful in situations with oppositional teens to seek out support from parents dealing with similar circumstances. Contact the school counselor at your teen’s school and ask if they have a support group for parents of oppositional teens. Also contact your local mental health centers to see if they sponsor such groups. You could try your church, temple or synagogue to see if they have a support group for parents facing similar problems. Lastly, set up a group of likeminded parents you know who are facing similar issues and have them meet in each others’ houses to provide mutual support.
Step8
Don’t look back or have regrets-just do it! There is in all likelihood a time when you will want to give up on this plan, because the teen is boxing himself into a corner due to the consequences being enforced and the teen is feeling freedom is being restricted. The rebellion will increase. The rule of thumb in all disciplinary efforts is that: "Kids will get worse before they get better.” Have patience, stick with it and if you persevere, you will see that your oppositional teen will not be as oppositional. The teen will recognize that he can no longer manipulate or intimidate you and will quiet down if not back down completely. The wonderful news is that if you have a rough time enforcing this model and nothing seems to be working that one of your consequences you have in your family policy manual will be: If you do not abide by the expectations and rules of this family by the time you reach your 18th birthday or graduate from high school (whichever one comes first) then you will be expected and required to move out of the family house into a living arrangement for which you will be 100 percent personally responsible to pay for on your own.
Enthusiast 
