How to Eat a Polar Bear

Polar bears are more than popular zoo attractions and iconic Coca-Cola mascots. They have also served as a staple of the far northern diet, where vegetation is nearly nonexistent. Polar bear meat and fat is actually an excellent source of omega-3 fatty acids, iron, and protein. Eating a polar bear, however, is not as easy as it sounds.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

1. Bag yourself a polar bear. This is best done on the nearest available ice floe.
2. Tenderize the meat. This will take some doing, as polar bear meat is very tough.
3. Boil the meat. Raw polar bear is rife with parasites, such as roundworms, and cannot be eaten.
4. Add potatoes and carrots, to make a tasty stew.
5. Serve with bannock, or a glass of milk or unsweetened juice.

Tips & Warnings

• Never, ever eat a polar bear's liver. It contains enough Vitamin A to kill you.