How to : A Case for Limited HIV Disclosure

One can never take back a harsh word, a disturbing action, a hurtful attitude. Beyond forgiveness lies a place where we all remember the darkest places we have traversed or the path we chose to take that led to pain and a bitter end. Avoid the pitfalls of an immediate "Feel Good" opening up to another that can lead to the consequence of isolation, assumed pity and many types of rejection. Being HIV positive is rarely a positive experience. It can be a spiritual awakening for some, but more than not, is usually a life of quiet desperation tempered with tenacity and its own variety of unyielding hope.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need:

• A great friend or mentor
• A knowledagable therapist or counselor
• Knowledge of the HIV services and healthcare in your state
• A great healthcare plan

1. Know This! It is beyond any comprehensible belief that in today's world of assumed safer sex and the tremendous increase of HIV cases and rising health care costs, that some folks are actually trying to infect themselves with the HIV virus. It is considered "Gifting" by the negative wannabe HIV person and thus an entrance into a special society of raw and hurtful sexual practices where anyone and anything goes.
2. H I V Consider this! You discover by either being chronically ill, hospitalised or casually tested, that you are HIV positive. Freaking out is an option often taken. Others find themselves in a place of isolation, panic and fear. The immediate response is to seek help through disclosure to friends family and partners, yet often in those moments of disclosure come an avalanche of more pain and guilt. All that was intended to be dispelled now frames one in a portrait of humiliation. That one "Feel honest and good moment" transforms into a three headed monster named, H I V
3. Think carefully! Do your aged Mother, your conservative Father, your self absorbed siblings, your closest friends really have a need to know about your HIV status? How about your boss, your co-workers, your clergy, your wife, husband or partner?
   
   The answer is a certain YES to a few and should be an absolute NO to most. Ask yourself what can really be achieved by disclosing your health status to those that share your life here on Earth. Are the disclosed truly the folks that will stand by you in the end, care for you in a health crisis, or cart you to the doctor when you can neither drive nor see?
   
   Disclosure MUST be tempered by the realization that one often magnifies his own perception of what others might be feeling. For example, a simple co-worker disclosure could lead to a total work environment "imagined pity party". It can skew a level employment playing field and create a fantasy that missed promotions and job security are forever lost in the process.
4. Go with the Flow Don't go there! The best advice one can live by after being diagnosed with HIV or any other life altering illness, is to initially live inside a "Smaller Box". Don't look over the edges of the box, don't poke a hole to the outside unless you are ready to let the outside in. Learn to just do what needs to be done to survive the crisis and to heal yourself, with your expanding spirituality. The icing is not on the cake at the moment so just concentrate on the cake, or maybe in just discovering the recipe to renewed health and self-awareness.
   
   So if you seem to have to much on your plate, don't get a bigger plate, scrape half your life altering servings into the trash and learn to do more with less. If your goal is to continue working, to provide yourself with needed finances, shelter, food and medication, then learn to live inside the one "Small Box" at least for now!
5. Go here! Around the corner is all the goodness and help you will ever need. Time does heal all. To disclose with extreme caution will reap its own reward. You will stand a much better chance of seeing yourself as healthy, not ill, big not small, loved not loathed.
   
   Those to whom you do disclose will be your partners in your quest. If others think that they have you all figured out, think that they possess a special place in your existence, or even are as horrible as to ask you your status when they have no need to know, then learn to gracefully turn your cheek. Offer nothing but a smile and changed subject. You decide who belongs in that "Small Box" with you. You decide who and who alone can eventually help you re-grow your life.
6. Live in gratitude! Know that what you have is yours and yours alone. You have been given a special gift of more time, make it work for YOU!
   
   Counting pills and bills is enough to deal with without fearing the thoughts and intentions of others. Live and love in safety, soon your small world will expand, you might just find a special love for living small.
7. Gratitude Please share your own experiences with others living with HIV by adding your comments to this article. This is an odd voice for a "How-To" but one that speaks with hope and gratitude.