How to Respond to Money Requests from Tweens and Teens

Everything kids want seems to cost money--from snacks, to movies, to video games, to school activities. If you have extra bags of cash, then buying fancy shoes and clothes or the hottest gizmoes, trinkets and toys is not a problem, but if you're like the majority of parents--your budget is already tight.

If hearing the plea, "But Mom, all my friends have one" sends ripples of guilt up your spine--take heart--you can develop sound strategies for handling "can't live without it" requests.

Instructions

1. Combat the Urge to Splurge.
   Tweens and teens aren't the only ones who succumb to mounds of advertising that ignites the urge to splurge. While studies indicate that parents are more likely to pull out the plastic whenever the kids are begging, parents easily cave to buying temptations too. The "Urge to Splurge," like a vicious virus, attacks restraint, often melting resolve not to buy. Identifying the urge before it strikes and discussing the dangers of splurging is the first step in developing your ability to curb buying frenzy. Before you and your kids venture to the mall, make a list of the items you intend to buy, know how much money you can spend, and pledge to each other not to exceed the agreed upon limit.

2. A Simple "No" Will Do.
   It's good parenting to say, "no" to over- spending and splurging. While your tween or teen may be disappointed with your response, a "no" will not damage their spirits or crush their souls. On the contrary, being able to resist temptations builds character that will serve them well as adults. A nurturing parent says "no" in a clear and honest way. "I'm not buying those designer shoes today, but if you really want them, we can talk about ways to budget and save for them." Saying, "no" will not solve all your financial problems, but it will help your family become more conscious and careful with money. A kindly "no" or "let's think about that purchase first," is the beginning of self-discipline, and in money management we could all use more of it.

3. Plan in Advance.
   When you're in the middle of the mall and the urge to splurge pounces, even the most resistant among us has difficulty squelching the virus. The best antidote is an emergency treatment plan already in place. Agree in advance that you will walk away before you buy. That way, when an impulse purchase is staring you in the face, you will be able to put down the item and think it over before laying down the money. Walk the mall and talk about it. Do you really need to buy that item today? Wait at least 45 minutes and chances are good that you will be able to stop before throwing your plastic at an item you probably hadn't thought about before you saw it.

4. Flavor the Conversation with Humor.
   "Honey, if I had a money tree in the backyard, I'd let you pick enough green bills to buy that." Since money doesn't grow on trees, calculate how many hours they will have to work to earn the bucks to buy that. Okay, the kids might pout at that lesson, but you can withstand it when you think about how many hours and years you'll have to work to keep them happily supplied with things that none of you need.

5. Announce a Shopping Sabbatical.
   A moratorium on shopping is an experiment that teaches all of you how much spending has become a form of entertainment. Ask the kids to join you in the experiment for a month. Talk about the shopping sabbatical in advance and plan for what you will do in place of spending. Even if at first you can't get the kids to cooperate, at least you will plant the seeds of suggestion, which may get you all thinking about the benefits and pleasures of replacing shopping with other activities.

6. Indulge the Joys of Being, not Buying.
   Kids who are raised in affluence often don't recognize what they have. Make your financial motto: We are "human beings" not "human buyings." Our kids spend more pocket money in a year than half a billion of the world's poorest people earn in income. If your kids see you bringing shopping bags home regularly filled with goodies that you don't need or use and if your closets and drawers are overflowing--that's an indication you can benefit from changing your financial behaviors too--by following the same guidelines yourself that you set for your children.