How to Get Your Child to Bed Every Night

Do you feel like you wrestle with your child every time the sun goes down, and the bedtime hour is near? Does your child howl with anguish at the very thought of laying his head down upon his pillow? Is your house a frenzied, chaotic whirlwind before your children hit the hay? Many parents have trouble putting their children to bed. You could take it as a compliment – perhaps your child loves his life so dearly, and loves to be with you so much, that the thought of sleeping just makes him run screaming in the other direction. Or, it could be a play for power, with him cunningly working out a way to control the situation and stay up a bit longer. Whatever the reason, your child needs to know that bedtime is bedtime – no ifs, ands, or buts!

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need:

• Bedtime books – preferably about sleeping
• A snuggly stuffed animal, or soft blanket
• A cozy rocking chair big enough for two

1. Establish a bedtime routine – and stick to it. Your child needs a structured ritual every night, which includes some very cozy and safe activities. Some good bedtime routines might include:
   
   • A bath
   • Brushing teeth
   • Washing face and hands
   • Getting into pajamas
   • A bedtime story, or two
   • A song
   • Talking about your day
   • A hug and kiss
   • A ritual saying, like “Good night, sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite!” or “See you tomorrow, sweet dreams,” or “Put your head down, safe and snug.”
   • A prayer
   
   The point is to make bedtime a ritual. Children like ritual and repetition, and feel safe and happy when they know what is coming – especially at bedtime. Make your child’s bedtime be at the same hour every night, with little exception.
   
   Going to sleep at night can be a trying time for some children. They might have bad dreams. They might feel lonely. They might miss you. Let them know that they are safe, and that you are there if they need you for anything. Give them a stuffed animal or blanket, if it helps them feel secure.
2. End the getting-up fiasco. Sometimes children get out of bed over and over again. They need water. They have to go to the bathroom. It’s too dark in their room. They’re too cold. They’re too hot. All of these reasons, or excuses, for getting up and not sleeping are merely their way of staying up a little bit longer. You must be firm, but kind. Lead them back to bed. Tell them that it’s time for sleep, and that they cannot get up anymore. If they continue to get up, simply keep bringing them back to bed - immediately. They might cry. They might beg, or try to bargain with you. Do not let up, or give in. Soon they’ll sleep, and the next night might be a little bit easier for you.
3. Be consistent. Stay true to your word, and don’t sway from your decision, even if you start to doubt yourself. Children will sense when they can get away with something, and if they see that you’re wavering, they’ll pounce on the opportunity to stay up awhile longer. It might begin to become a power-play, in which case you must stop it right away. Children need to know that you are the parent and make the rules. And although she might not admit it, a child feels a whole lot safer when she feels like her parent is in control. Because if she feels her parent is not, then her world can seem scary and random.
4. Talk to your child about what he’ll be doing tomorrow. Sometimes if a child has something to look forward to the next day, he might want to get to sleep so that tomorrow comes sooner. Get him to tell you something that he wants to do the next day, or come up with something yourself that you think might get him eagerly anticipating the morning.

Tips & Warnings

• Try holding and rocking your child, if she seems afraid and a little tense at night. Your special touch will really calm her down and help her to feel safe before she goes to sleep. And she’ll lie down feeling warm and loved, which is always what you want your child to feel.
• If your child has trouble with nightmares, talk with him about it. If he wakes up and is afraid, sit with him and get him to think of fun, happy times, or good thoughts before he goes back to sleep. Get him to name a few good places he loves, or people who make him feel good. It will help him to get back into his own safe world, and out of the world of the nightmare.
• When you’re away on a family trip, keep your child’s bedtime routine as similar to your home routine as possible. Bring along any bedtime comforts such as a stuffed animal, blanket, or pillow. Put your child to bed the same time that you do at home. And bring along some bedtime books that you read with her, to help her feel that same safe feeling she does at home.
• About an hour before bedtime, turn of the TV, computer, or anything else that might cause excess stimulation. Make the time before bed quiet and slow, without added noise or confusion. Your children will begin to associate this time with winding down, and it might make bedtime easier for them.
• Don’t reward his good bedtime behavior with a treat, or with allowance. Bedtime is bedtime, and people don’t get extra presents for going to sleep when it’s time. Avoid this trap, and let the reward be a more peaceful and serene night. Your child will really appreciate it.
• Don’t lose your patience. It might be difficult for you to do, but the angrier you become, the less likely it is that your child will want to sleep. Remember to stand your ground, but do so in a way that is calm and reasonable.