How to Survive With a Teenage Stepchild

Nothing can kill a relationship faster than abuse, dishonesty or a teenage stepchild. While the easy thing to do is run, the courageous can take the stand and survive with a teenage stepchild. The following tips can serve as some guidelines to retain your sanity and keep the relationship alive.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• Firm manner
• Forgiveness
• Written rules

1. Post a list of written rules and make the kid adhere to them. They can be as simple as “Pick up after yourself” or as complicated as “Wash the full-length mirrors once a week.”
2. Communicate. All relationships, even those with a surly teenage stepkid, need some form of communication to survive. In addition to talking about what’s expected of the kid, ask him how he feels about things, what his favorite color is, what he does for fun.
3. Find common ground. If you both like to draw, have drawing parties where you each draw a bat, a ghoul or an animal starting with each letter of the alphabet. If junk food is your common factor, have popcorn and red licorice nights while you’re watching a movie like Cinderella or Serial Mom.
4. Teach the kid something, or at least get him enthused about some aspect of life. Use your own expertise in a subject and experience with learning to do what you love to guide the way. If the kid doesn’t want to learn anything, go back to step three to find out what at least excites him.
5. Take a walk down memory lane. Remind yourself what a pain you were as a teenager and how you’d feel if your mom or dad threw a new spouse into the mix. Cut the kid some slack.
6. Remind yourself daily that the child is not your flesh and blood. If nothing else, it will make you feel better when the kid gets nasty, surly or openly rejects you.

Tips & Warnings

• Make a chart, like the rule list, of explicit expectations and detailed punishments that will be doled out if those expectations are not met. For instance, not cleaning his room by Friday at 3 p.m. will result in a Friday night at home cleaning his room and the bathroom or another night of watching Cinderella.
• Remember nothing lasts forever. Make a calendar marking the day until the kid’s 18th birthday and make sure he has somewhere to move once he hits adulthood.
• While you want to be kind, don’t cut too much slack where the kid thinks he can walk all over you. Because he will.
• Don’t threaten with punishments you’ll never mete out or make promises you don’t intend to keep. Follow up on your word, be it good or bad. Otherwise your word will mean nothing.
• Never hit the kid. Ever. But feel free to take away his TV.