How to Deal With a Difficult Mother-in-Law Before the Wedding

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Congratulations! You've found the love of your life and are about to get married. Of course, your future spouse isn't perfect, and neither is their mother. Some future mother-in-laws are helpful, supportive and welcoming during the wedding planning process. Others are mother-in-lawzillas who make unreasonable demands, express disapproval, or refuse to help. Here are some tips to help deal with a difficult future mother-in-law before the wedding.

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Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Step1

Accept that your future mother-in-law is going to be difficult and is likely to be difficult throughout your marriage as well. Your soon-to-be spouse is bringing many wonderful things into your life, and this woman isn't one of them. You're going to have to deal with it. Whatever you do, don't let her spoil your big day.

Step2

Make sure your future husband or wife takes a hefty share of the responsibility of dealing with mom. It's not your parent, so your share of the headaches should be reduced. Brides, don't fall into the common trap of being the one who has to deal with all family turmoil! Your future husband is a big boy, and he can deal with his own mommy.

Step3

Sit down with your future spouse and your mother-in-law, perhaps over a nice lunch. Calmly discuss what it is she wants. If she feels like you're listening, she may start being more reasonable.

Step4

Acquiesce to some of your mother-in-law's wishes. If she demands you invite 50 last-minute guests, tell her that's impossible, but that you can try to accommodate 15 or 20. This may calm her down.

Step5

Don't acquiesce to all her demands. Put your foot down and say no when necessary. Your spouse should have the majority of this burden.

Step6

Get her involved in wedding planning tasks. She may just be feeling left out and hungry for attention, so give her some.

Tips & Warnings

Enlist help from your mother. Ask her to befriend your future mother-in-law a bit and keep her busy and happy.
Give her a chance. You probably don't know your future mother-in-law well yet. Hopefully she's not as bad as you think. She's your partner's mom, so it's worth your time to give her the benefit of the doubt before judging her harshly.
If Mother's Day occurs during the wedding planning, give her mother-in-law a lovely card, gift and some attention.
Don't take out your frustrations on your future husband or wife. It's not your partner's fault that his or her mother is difficult.

Comments

LuLu12 said

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on 4/12/2008 Ditto for the Daughter in law. Someone needs to tell the other side of the story. There is another side; the Daughter in law from the bowels of hell.

His Mother needs to "go to hell", doesn't she? You want her OUT. Just say it; stop **** footing around with your words.

No DIL wants an MIL in the first place. You were so precious at first, now look at you. Gotta get rid of His Mother at all cost, huh?

You know exactly what you're doing. Someday this is going to come back to you....understand? It will-- and when it does, get ready to lose your son if you have one. Futhermore, don't have one.

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