How to Have Your Elderly Parent Live With You

Your parents were always there for you, driving you to school, going to your games. Hugs. Cheers. Allowance. Advice. Now your mom--or dad--is elderly, and although she doesn't need a retirement home, she can’t live on her own anymore. You want your parent to live with you, but what do you need to do to make this transition easy for all concerned?

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• Extra bedroom
• Storage room

1. Talk to your spouse and children. Discuss the different ways life will change. Be honest about the good and bad. Come up with ideas for any issues before extending the invitation to your parent.
2. Arrange for your parent to have a private room. If you have a two-story home, you might have to be creative to make available a ground-floor room. Let your parent choose the paint color and have the room ready before move-in day. If your parent has a television set, arrange for cable or satellite connections in the bedroom.
3. Help your parent unpack and set up the room. Store any extra clothes or things where she can get to them easily. Put her favorite chair in the living room and some of her pictures on the walls.
4. Find out what medical needs your parent has. Learn how to administer medications for special conditions, like heart disease or diabetes. If your parent is moving from another town, help him find new doctors and pharmacies.
5. Help your parent with financial changes, like finding a new bank. If he is willing, have your name put on his bank account or other investment accounts. Find out where important documents, like his will, are located.
6. Introduce your parent to people in your neighborhood or church, especially people her age. Encourage her to get involved with social groups like quilting guilds or poetry groups.
7. Allow your parent to help with the housework as his health and ability allows. If he makes a suggestion, such as rearranging things in the kitchen, consider it. Your parent needs to see that you are willing to adjust to the new situation as well.
8. Make time for yourself. Make sure your parent knows how to reach you while you are out running errands or on a date with your spouse. Be open with your spouse about anything that might come up with your parent.

Tips & Warnings

• Get a house key made for your parent; one of the colorful designs will make it easier for her to recognize. Put it in a small gift box as a welcoming present.
• Print a sign that reads, “Welcome Home!” and tape to the bedroom door.
• Tell your parent often how happy you are she came to live with you. It’s difficult to go from being the head of a home to living with someone; your parent needs to know this is a good thing for you, too.
• Do not let your parent come between you and your spouse or children. Yes, you love your parent and want to honor him, but your marriage and family must come first.
• Be honest about what this transition will entail. If your parent is suffering from Alzheimer’s, be aware that she might need full-time medical help at some point.