How to Keep Your Secrets a Secret.

If you want to keep certain things about yourself a secret, you must read and follow these simple steps. Truly, these specific steps are the only effective means of keeping secrets. As always, my prayer for you and your loved ones is to remain healthy and safe, become wealthy, and grow wiser.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• A determined will power
• A good memory to help you not forget these steps
• A note pad and pencil
• A close companion with whom to share secrets
• Time to talk to the companion

1. "Maw has good advice. Are you listening?" Make a list of the secrets you don't want the world to know.
   Study the list, then burn it.
2. "What is Maw trying to say here?" There is a long list of people with whom you should not trust your secrets. The list is as follows:
   People with two legs.
   People with one leg.
   People with no legs.
   People with wooden legs.
   And finally, People with three legs. Oh, yes, there have been people born with more than two legs. Sad, but true.
   You may be wondering what legs have to do with keeping secrets. If a person has legs or even no legs, they have the capability of getting around, even if in a wheelchair, and these mobile persons will meet up with some else, and will burn on the inside until they have told your secret. That is the nature of human beings: they must share what they must not share. They must do what they must not do. So, to keep your secrets secret, don't tell anyone with or without legs.
3. "You think Maw is not telling the truth. You're wrong. Bo can talk." You may have a parrot, and you may think that you can tell this parrot everything, and the secrets you tell this parrot will never be divulged to another soul. Not true. I have a parrot named Bo which talks quiet well. I had this nurse who took care of my daughter, and on occasion, in my presence this nurse would call my daughter a little 'fart.' It would be in a playful manner, so I tried to accept her playfulness. Then one evening Bo said the word, 'fart.' Again, I didn't think too much about it, and really thought I had only thought I heard Bo say 'fart.' The next evening Bo said the word again, and this time my husband and I both heard what Bo had said. My husband said, "Did you hear what Bo said?" Needless to say, the nurse was soon gone and seeking employment elsewhere. So a parrot is not a reliable source when it comes to keeping secrets.
4. This is the last and final step. You may think that this last step is very strange, but this last step is the final step toward keeping all your secrets a secret and contains the 'meat' of KEEPING SECRETS. And that is what you want, isn't it? You don't want someone telling the whole wide world about your darkest thoughts.
   
   GET A DOG. I am most serious. A dog can be your best friend, and sometimes, your only friend, especially when it comes to keeping secrets. Pick out a dog that fits your character and life style. You are going to invest a lot of time and energy into this special little friend, and this special little friend has needs also. Look at this relationship as a lengthy one, and plan accordingly. Don't allow anyone to push your little friend outside your circle. Work this little friend into your life and allow your special little friend to have quality time on a regular basis. Take your friend on walks and 'tell all.' Sit the little friend in your lap, when no one else is around, and 'tell all.' Take your little friend on long drives through the country side, and 'tell all.'

Tips & Warnings

• A dog is man's, and woman's, best friend. Have you ever considered that 'God' spelled backward is d-o-g? Maybe God is trying to tell us something. Maybe a dog and God are the only ones we should be telling secrets. That's what I think.