How to Know When to Keep Your Opinions to Yourself in a Group

There are instances when you are at a party or out with a group of friends when a discussion turns to a controversial topic of which you have very strong opinions that you know not everyone in the groups shares. What do you do? If the answer is "bite your tongue" you have the right idea. If you often find yourself dominating conversations, pushing your agenda, and not getting invited to other group functions, read on.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• Sensitivity
• Good judgment

1. Start by analyzing the interactions you have with one group of people-neighbors, business associates, play group parents, fellow members of committees, clubs, church or other organizations.
2. Ask yourself these questions before entering a room or conversation:
   * Is there a diversity of ideas among the group?
   * Do I know where the others stand on issues?
   * Are there extremely sensitive people in the group?
3. With the answers to the questions fresh in your mind, proceed into the situation. If a conversation or discussion is in progress, listen first, before participating.
4. Before speaking, ask yourself, "Would my opinions offend or put down anyone participating in this conversation?"
5. If the answer is yes, don't say it. Instead smile politely (while clenching your teeth over your tongue), or excuse yourself and walk away (while clenching your teeth over your tongue). Do not open your mouth.
6. If the answer is no, proceed cautiously in presenting your opinion. Look at the reactions and body language of those involved in your conversation. Are they smiling while clenching their teeth? It is probably time to stop talking and allow someone else with more finesse and judgment to steer the conversation in a new direction.
7. Before offering your opinion also ask yourself, "Does my opinion really matter?"
8. If the answer is no, don't say it. Instead smile politely (while clenching your teeth over your tongue), or excuse yourself and walk away (while clenching your teeth over your tongue). Do not open your mouth.
9. If the answer is yes, proceed cautiously in presenting your opinion. Look at the reactions and body language of those involved in your conversation. Are they smiling while clenching their teeth? It is probably time to stop talking and allow someone else with more finesse and judgment to steer the conversation in a new direction.
10. Repeat Steps 1 through 9 before each time you are in a group setting. You can go from being that opinionated loudmouth that no one likes, to a respected member of the group where occasionally others will listen and accept your point of view. Then peace and harmony will reign and everyone can have a good time together.

Tips & Warnings

• Subjects which are safer for group discussions include the weather, and that's about it.
• Alternatives to biting your tongue include clenching your fists, making contact with someone else and rolling your eyes, or becoming distracted by someone or something else. Just remember if your mouth is closed, no words can come out.
• Subjects to especially be sensitive about are presidential politics, local politics, elections, parenting, religion, and the behavior of others (sometimes called gossip).