How to Move From a Roach-Infested Home

Whether you’ve been unlucky enough to live in a slimy basement apartment or above a pizzeria, you may have been infested with those beastly bugs called roaches. No other joy can compare to the moment you know you can move from a roach-infested home, but no horror can compare to taking the ghastly critters with you. Some simple steps will insure you don’t.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

1. Set the move date and take the day off from work. You’re going to need to pack and move in one fell swoop, so expect a heavy-duty 24 hours, or more, of labor. Do not pack in advance unless you have a roach-free place to stash the stuff.
2. Roach bomb the apartment. Wait the required 45 minutes or so before entering so you don’t pass out from the fumes. Sweep the dead roaches to the side and proceed to pack.
3. Use fresh boxes from a reliable source and spray them thoroughly with roach spray. Do not store them in the apartment prior to the move. Set them up as you need them, spraying liberally inside and out.
4. Empty every drawer, thumb through every book and shake out all shoes and clothing before placing it into a freshly-sprayed box. Tape up quickly and load in the truck before anything can crawl back in.
5. Deal with appliances and electronics. Roaches love to hang out and lay eggs in and around electronic things. Decide if it’s easier to take apart your microwave, VCR and treadmill motor to shake and spray or easier to just buy a new one in your new home.
6. Unpack as soon as possible and roach bomb your new home just in case. Immediately throw out any cardboard or packing material in which roaches love to hide.

Tips & Warnings

• Even if you don’t see any roaches skittering about, remember their eggs are miniscule and can be hiding just about anywhere.
• Pack as if everything is contaminated with roach eggs. Shake, spray and spray some more.
• Keep pets in a separate location, like with friends, while all this shaking, spraying and packing is going on.
• If possible, roach bomb the moving truck when all your stuff is packed in and your new home again a week after moving in.
• Don’t transport opened food items that have been in the cupboard, such as flour, cereal or macaroni.
• Don’t take newspaper piles, old magazines or lots of paper items. Buy new or go back to the library to find those issues again.
• Never more into a slimy basement apartment or above a pizzeria.