How to Know When to Stop Trying to Help Someone

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By TerriR
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Deciding when to stop trying to help someone you care about can be a difficult task.

Do you have a loved one that is constantly in crisis? A person in your life who constantly needs someone to bail them out? Do you allow another person's irrational or destructive behavior to disrupt your own life? If you've answered yes to these questions you to take an honest look at the situation. Is it time for you to stop trying to help this person?

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

Honesty
Courage
Tough love
A support group
Patience

Step 1

Piece together behaviors of the person you are trying to help to see if there is a pattern. Do they always need help right after payday? Does it seem they always call on you late in the evening or night for help? When they ask for help does it always seem to be a major crisis?
Step 2

Realize that you are a part of a vicious cycle that is enabling this person to continue their irrational, unproductive or addictive behavior. This person has learned to rely on you to bail them out of their problems.
Step 3

Identify the true problem. Addictions come in many forms and anyone that dabbles in something long enough can become an addict. Some common types of addictions include chemical addictions (drug/alcohol) as well as addictions to gambling, eating, sex, compulsive spending, Internet and work.
Step 4

Separate the problem from the person. You must realize that the person you are trying to help is not themselves. They are suffering from an illness or addiction that will not get better until it is dealt with and it can only be dealt with by them. It's not your problem and it is impossible for you to fix it for them.
Step 5

Say NO. Stop being the one who enables this person to continue their destructive behavior. The time has come for you to stop. Stop making excuses for them. Stop lying or covering for them. Don't pay bills for them. Don't clean up messes for them. You must allow this person to come face to face with the problems they are creating. Force them to deal with the consequences of their actions.
Step 6

Prepare yourself for repercussions. Once you finally stop enabling this dependent person be prepared for them to be angry at your decision. They may yell and scream in frustration and try to make you feel guilty. Don't step back. You have taken the hardest step. Remember, you are finally doing something that will really help them so stand by your decision.
Step 7

Seek support. Making a tough decision like this sometimes brings feelings of guilt, sadness and sorrow. Having someone that understands what you have been going through and supports your decision can help with the feelings you may be experiencing. Join a support group in your area or on the Internet that specifically deals with the problem you are facing.