How to Find Out if Someone Is Homophobic

Sure, Aunt Ellen seems to accept you and your partner, but what’s she saying when you’re out of earshot? Some homophobes keep it to themselves because it’s not politically correct to be intolerant.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• Body language skills
• Courage to be “out”

1. Mention someone else who’s gay, if you’re not out of the closet yourself, and watch the reaction. Do the lips start to purse, or the eyes begin to roll?
2. Be open about your own life; that’s the surest way to test the waters. If the news is met with seeming acceptance, watch for further clues.
3. Pay attention. Does this person refer to your partner as your “friend?” After you correct him, does this reference continue?
4. Listen. Does this person bring up your partner in conversation? Does she never ask, “How’s Emily’s new job?” or “What are you and Justin doing for the holidays?” Does he tell gay jokes?
5. Notice if there are holiday and birthday gifts for you only. Is your partner ever included?
6. If you’re single and “out,” does this person continue to mention that they have someone of the opposite sex that you “have to meet?”
7. Ask someone who’s close to Uncle John what his real feelings are. Even if she won’t tell you, you can observe whether she’s squirming or not.

Tips & Warnings

• The more “out” you are, the greater your chances of learning if someone is homophobic.
• Simply telling someone they are homophobic won’t make them want to be more open.