Step1
Realize first that the family is stuck at the date the custody battle began. No matter what happens, everything keeps coming back to that date and the ensuing custody issues. Life may resemble more of a drama than a light hearted play and it weighs itself on the children that don't usually choose to be anywhere near a situation like this. If you are looking to end the custody battle then you are seeing this with your own eyes. Congratulations for seeing what is there.
Step2
In marriage, there is water under the bridge. Unfortunately, in many divorces that water is heavily polluted. The choice is whether to stay focused on this or try to figure out how your children can stay safe in and around these waters. If both parents can build a dam that holds back the refuse only then can the children truly swim uninhibited. If both parents are unable to work together on this dam, hopefully one can, which, at the very least, it's a beginning. Many times when one person stops fighting the other, the other party stops as well, as there isn't anymore emotion or drama to embroil themselves in. Congratulations on truly wanting to stop the fight.
Step3
If you're not truly ready to stop the fight, realize that irregardless of how you two, as parents, feel about each other, you have created life that will tie you together for life and children are among the most intuitive beings on the planet. So just putting a fake smile on your face about this issue will not help. You have to really want to get beyond the current standoff. So let's start with a few deep breaths and a piece of paper and a pen. The paper and pen is to help you get the drama out of your head where it's probably been festering.
Step4
Start with a list of all the pros and cons of the other parent of your children. When you have finished this list, go back over it and make sure that there isn't any cons of them as a spouse. Only list items concerning them as a parent.
Step5
Next, put out two separate pieces of paper. On one make a list of the pros of what your children gain by being with this parent. On the other list any cons list those on a separate piece of paper.
Step6
Lastly, on a separate piece of paper, make a list of what your issues are about your spouse gaining custody. Make sure this list only deals with parenting issues.
Step7
Put the papers away for a couple of days before taking them back out and reviewing all that you wrote and make any edits. Is he/she really all the things you wrote down? Remember also that although at the moment you are all living in the past (the date the battle began to be exact) once this is behind you, all of you have the opportunity to grow. Hopefully getting this out of your head has allowed you to gain some calmness with this situation.
Step8
Now it's time to communicate with the other parent of your children. Either call them or write them a letter outlining the fact that you want to meet in the middle so that your children can be released from that position. Ask them to just listen while you outline what you feel their pros are and then what you are worried about. Then ask them to take a couple of days to think about what you have to say and then pick a date/time to talk or for a letter in return.
Step9
Hopefully you are now at a point that you can talk about what custody issues are between you and the other parent of your children. Hopefully the issues have diminished in stature, and your children and how you all can move forward as a new configuration of a family has increased.
Novice 
