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How to Be Affectionate in Public with Your Gay or Lesbian Partner

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By Nancy Larson Larson
User-Submitted Article
(15 Ratings)
Same-sex couples are often cautious about displaying affection.
Same-sex couples are often cautious about displaying affection.

The public smiles sweetly upon husbands and wives who hold hands, embrace and even kiss in public. But the reception can be very different for gay and lesbian couples. It's hard to do what comes naturally because society often frowns on any public displays of affection. The reality is that a simple kiss can inspire not only disapproval but possibly, violence.

From Quick Guide: Basics of Gay & Lesbian Dating
Difficulty: Moderately Easy
Instructions

Things You'll Need:

  • Willing partner
  • Ability to shake off disapproval
  • Instinct for knowing if the situation is dangerous
  1. Step 1

    Know that most gay and lesbian couples feel they have to think twice before doing what comes naturally. Since birth, they've been taught and shown that affection between same-sex partners is "gross" or "disgusting." It's difficult to shake those lessons.

  2. Step 2

    Realize that obeying society's rules for keeping gay and lesbian affection at bay is actually taking care of other people's discomfort. Is their comfort level more important than your integrity?

  3. Step 3

    Understand that "privacy" is often a code word for "shame." Heterosexual couples don't have to hide their affection so why do same-sex couples have to be more "private?"

  4. Step 4

    Consider how you would act with an opposite-sex date and make that your measuring stick. If you would snuggle up with your husband/wife in a corner restaurant booth, then you should be able to do the same with your partner.

  5. Step 5

    Be patient with your partner if he or she is reluctant to hold hands or kiss in public. But after giving it some time, you may want to consider whether you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who is unwilling to be seen with you as a couple.

  6. Step 6

    Know when enough is enough. No one wants to see any couple--gay or straight--with their tongues down each others' throats or tearing at each others' clothing.

Tips & Warnings
  • When someone stares at you and your partner, just smile pleasantly. Chances are they're just curious. Show them that you are comfortable with who you are.
  • If you are in an area where you know people are very homophobic, it's best not to be openly affectionate.

Comments  

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on 12/1/2009 Great article. There are always going to be those with their biases. Life would not be life without them. I will say that there has to come a point where you see no one but the one you're with. I'm not talking about being all out there with shows of affection, but saying that when you feel the moment is there to place a kiss on your partners lips then try not to be thinking about who's watching. Place one there and then savor that moment with a look directly in their eyes and a smile. Peace.

woodypet said

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on 11/30/2009 I think you should be considerate of people around you and how this might make them uncomfortable. Do you always do whatever makes you feel good when in public? Do you chew with your mouth open in public even if you do that at home. Do you pass gas? I think you should ask yourself why you have to kiss and make out in public. Do you want others to stare or maybe even say something so you can defend your lifestyle? Gays risk making their whole group look bad when they don't act respectfully towards society.

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on 10/10/2009 Excellent article. Good comments Jordannagyrl. I've often wondered how we can call ourselves evolved when so many still treat their fellow mankind with such hate.

linkz40 said

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on 9/9/2009 I know exactly where you're coming from. Although it's easier today back in the day it was a real witch hunt then. But with the same token people are still ignorant in going about things today. You'd figure they would get over it, but they don't. They(people) have a tendancy of acting like it's the strangest thing out there. Like you're from another planet.

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on 12/3/2008 You know what i have to agree i hate it when me and my fiance get stared at it pisses me off so bad i just want to scream. It almost makes me not want to hold hands or kiss but i have to be strong and not let others snickers and stares get me down. I have learned to just look back at them or keep walking , but my gf has gotten so mad she asks "is their a problem" or "can i help you" iam just like omg....it is embarassing when people stare but when you are with the one you love ....what can you do.

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