How to Move On When Your Crush Stops Crushing On You

There is one scenario about which people seek my advice time and time again. It goes something like this: "I met a girl (guy) at a party (on the bus/in the Craigslist personals/under a mistletoe). We hit it off immediately and things between us were totally hot and heavy for a few hours (days/weeks/months). I was convinced we were a match made in heaven, until suddenly she (he) stopped responding to my flirty comments (phone calls/Facebook pokes/smoke signals sent from across town). What happened? How can I return things between us to the way they were?"

From Euripides to Jane Austen to the eHow forums-it seems the occurrence of unrequited love (lust/fascination/moderate interest)-is a situation certain to universally send humans into a mad panic. The good news? You're not alone. Babies cry, politicians lie, lovers shift affections. It's just how these things go. The even better news? You can, and will, move on.

Instructions

1. Acknowledge your loss. Whether you've known somebody for three months, three weeks or three days is inconsequential. It is always painful when affections are not returned and love does not bloom as hoped. Honor the things you've lost--an added spring in your step, an excuse to procrastinate at work, a date to your cousin's wedding--and mourn them just as you would bigger, more obvious losses.

2. Stop wondering why. It doesn't matter why the energy between you and your crush has shifted; it only matters that it has shifted. There are three billion reasons why affections change on a dime, and you'll torture yourself trying to uncover the exact one. The bottom line: Your crush is no longer hot for you. Face facts. Move on.

3. Put a realistic spin on the story. When you first meet somebody who sparks your romantic interest, you feel dizzy and the person in front of you looks perfect and like your ideal match. That's because you haven't known your crush long enough to discover faults or get into fights. Trust me, if he or she would have stuck around long enough, you would have found plenty of things to drive you nuts. Stop idealizing this one person as perfect. In reality, nobody is perfect; they just appear that way from a distance.

4. Honor the relationship for what it was. Crushes don't have to lead to serious relationships to be worthy. Flirtatious interactions are wonderful in and of themselves. Be thankful that you had somebody who got you twiterpated. It's a great feeling. And if you experienced it once, you're sure to experience it many, many more times. Learn to have fun and get in crushes without forcing the flirting and crushes to lead somewhere "bigger."

5. Rebound. Rebound. Rebound. You don't have to wait for your heart to heal to start dating again. In fact, a recent study shows that relationships started by people on the rebound don't fail at any higher rates than those started by people who have spent time single. So open your eyes. Look around. There are so many wonderful, attractive, intelligent, fun people out there. Make a pact to have three flirtatious interactions before the week's end.

6. Grow better, not bitter. Never let a crush's disinterest turn you into a skeptical, hard-hearted hater. Remember, the best revenge is a life well lived.

7. Don't call. Don't text. Don't read the messages on her Facebook wall. Don't drive by his house. Don't "just happen" to show up at her favorite coffee shop. Don't date his best friend. Don't gossip. Don't search. Don't reach. If you wonder, "Should I...?" the answer is no. Always no. Just don't do it.

Tips & Warnings

• Be careful not to take your crush's change of heart to your own heart. Sure it's always good to do a little self-reflection to see where we can grow and better ourselves for future relationships, but just don't beat yourself to a bloody pulp with self-critique. Just because one person isn't interested in you, does not mean that you are an uninteresting person.

Resources

• Rebound Study