How to Cope With Difficult Family Members

It seems that everyone has at least one family member who is difficult to get along with. No matter what the occasion, this family member is going to create some drama. How do you cope with difficult family members?

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

1. Mentally prepare yourself for a visit with a difficult family member by remembering why you love this person and what she means to you. These are the reasons that will help you get through this drama another time.
2. Establish positive support with someone before having to deal with a difficult family member. It doesn't matter who this support person is as long as the two of you can agree to try to get through this drama without a full blown incident. A soft smile, simple squeeze of the hand or a pat on the shoulder can say, "I love you," or "We can get through this."
3. Be aware of your own body language as well as the words you say. If a difficult family member begins causing problems don't flash dirty looks or make snide comments hoping to send a silent message that will keep things in check.
4. Attempt to redirect the conversation if a difficult family member seems bent on stirring things up. You are family so there must be some things the two of you have in common. Family, friends, children or anything that you know will touch a soft spot with this person.
5. Maintain your self-control if a difficult family member continues to instigate drama. Don't add flames to the fire by arguing back or raising your voice. Take deep breathes. Stay calm. Continue to be aware of your body language.
6. Listen to what this difficult family member is trying to say. Sometimes we can't express ourselves the way we would like to or we say angry or hurtful things to try to make others feel what we are feeling. Try to hear what the problem is even if it seems trivial or unimportant to you.
7. Acknowledge what the person has said and repeat it back to them as a question to make certain you understand what it is they are saying. Something like "So, what you are saying is....?" could be a good beginning.
8. Sincerely apologize for making the person feel the way they feel. While this may not be your fault or you may not have done anything wrong, your love for this difficult family member can help you sympathize with their feelings of hurt and allow you to be truly sorry that they feel the way they do.
9. Gain some perspective from a difficult family member. While this visit may have gone exactly as you expected, you can be thankful for what the experience can teach you. Aren't you thankful that you have supportive people around you to help you get through difficult times? Or ask yourself some simple questions. Am I happy with the way I dealt with this difficult family member? Are there ways that I can improve my attitude before our next visit? Is there somebody (family, friend or co-worker) that considers me a difficult person?

Tips & Warnings

• When with a difficult family member, try to remember happy moments you have shared.
• Body language can speak louder than words.