How to Compete in the "Hands on a Hard Body" Contest

The "Hands on a Hard Body" contest is far more wholesome than it sounds. Created in a small town in Texas, competitors would stand around a Toyota Hardbody Pickup, and keep one hand on the vehicle for as long as possible - the last person standing would win the truck. This contest would last for days, and inspired both spin-offs, and even a documentary film.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

1. Train physically: this is a marathon, even if you're only standing in place. Take vitamins, and plan an appropriate diet for the days ahead: tuna and rice are pure protein and carbohydrates, respectively.
2. Train mentally. You need to keep a clear head.
3. When the day of the competition finally comes, wear some pantyhose, and have Tylenol at the ready. Pantyhose will help to keep excess blood from pooling into their ankles, and Tylenol will help to ease the pain from the blood that pools anyway.
4. Have a support network. However much you may prepare personally, your exhaustion will eventually leave you delirious and confused, so a supportive environment will be key.
5. Ignore the hallucinations. They often kick in after a day or two of sleep-deprivation.
6. Win or not, be sure to decompress gradually. After up to four days on your feet, your ankles will be black and blue for weeks. But with luck, you now have a car to keep you off your feet.

Tips & Warnings

• Learning to sleep on your feet would be a great help.
• The original 'Hands on a Hard Body' contest was cancelled in 2005, after a contestant broke into a K-Mart, mid-contest, and killed himself with a 12-gauge shotgun.