How to Begin Sharing a Sexual Fantasy

Our sexual fantasies reveal our deepest and most authentic selves, yet we keep these scenarios locked away from not only others, but ourselves as well. Even people who have been involved in long term, supposedly intimate, relationships keep these desires in the darkest corners of the mind and soul, never revealing them in the flesh. You’re not alone. Chances are that the next person you meet has, at least one time or another had the same thoughts and impulses. Instead of walking around with these supposedly weird thoughts burrowing in your brain, take a chance and unlock that Pandora’s Box of potential joy and liberation.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

1. Write out your sexual fantasy in a safe place where you won’t fear it being accidentally discovered. Draw pictures as well. Do this as fast as you can giving no thought to quality or even making any sense. Read it aloud when alone. To hear your own voice reciting your fantasy can be both empowering and liberating.
2. If you have a partner, perhaps rent a movie that deals with your particular fantasy and attempt a conversation about it.
3. If you're single, take advantage of opportunities that present themselves unexpectedly. For example, a long ride on a bus or a wait in an airport often throws people into short term intense relationships. Knowing you’ll never see the person again is a great impetus to sharing. Inevitably, conversation can be steered to sexual topics. If the atmosphere feels right, have the courage to plunge ahead.
4. Ask someone you trust to participate in this exercise. Have them write down their fantasy as you did in Step One. Exchange texts and read each other’s “confessions.”
5. Online chat rooms and the like are obvious places to explore sexual fantasy and sharing, but the “pay off”, insofar as personal risk and the growth gained, is slim. When sharing sexual information, try to keep it as real as possible.
6. When sharing the fantasy, start with the less “shocking” information and increase the level of honesty as comfort level grows. Remember, discretion is the better part of valor. The whole point of this exercise is personal growth and transformation, rather than a sophisticated excuse for hitting on someone. The more we claim our very human emotions and dreams, the more human we become. And who knows? You might be surprised to find that what you thought was so nasty and forbidden is in fact shared by many others who are just waiting for the chance to share as well.