How to Discover Your Social Identity

Who are we if we are alone? What can we accomplish if not with another? We are designed for social interaction; communicating with other people, feeling like you have been understood, things that truly give us a sense of significance. How better do you feel when you walk away from a conversation that progressed well? The world and all its gold could not have achieved such joy. But what if you are socially awkward? What if you try to interact, but you never seem to fit in? After dealing with years of being shy and socially inept, there were a few things that helped me overcome my social clumsiness as well as my fear of being rejected.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• Desire to change
• Desire for people

1. Resolve to change. No one can change anything without the pain of change outweighing the pain of staying the same. Maybe it is fear that blocks your way? Perhaps it is your inability to discern where you fit into the “social hierarchy”? No matter what stands between you and your fellow man, you must conclude to overcome it.
2. Leave your comfort zone. Go speak with a family member or friend and tell them what you have concluded: what stands in your way and your decision to change. Two things can possibly come from this interaction: a) they can give further clarification on what is truly holding you back; b) they can assist you in your endeavor (perhaps to take you with them to parties, social gatherings or to introduce others to you). Whenever possible, transitions in your life will always unfold more smoothly if there is someone beside you, ready to pick you up after every fall. Strength is not shown through achieving your goals on your own, but the sum of the strength you have gathered around you.
3. Keep a journal. Writing your ideas, discoveries, any progressing thoughts or events is always helpful. Even if writing things down is not something you enjoy, think of it as therapeutic and allow all your thoughts to pour onto the page out of your mind. This allows you to consider new ideas, venture onto new perspectives that you would not have been able to due to the saturation of your mind. It is also encouraging to see tangible evidence of progress when you stumble on your quest in the future.
4. Make friends. This is the most practical advice anyone can give, however, it is the hardest mission to accomplish. To break through the fear of rejection, or the shackles of shyness, is most difficult, but can be done. The grip of your personal giant will be broken when you begin to reject the thoughts that hold you. Go find other people that seem to deal with the same things as you. Find someone with a common ground and get to know them. Do not try to teach them what you found, for you do not know if they really want to change yet. Just befriend them. Eat lunch with them. Ask them what they like. Why they like what they like. Just spend time to get to know them. After doing this a number of times, the fear of rejection begins to fade away, and you now have a group of people that you can talk to.
5. Never give up. The suggestion in number 4 sounds easy but truly is the hardest to accomplish. Never give up! If you are rejected by someone you approach, take time off and retreat for a few days. Heal. Cry. Write down what happened, and when ready, move on. Keep going. Never give up, and you will be able to overcome anything.