How to Choose a Child’s Guardian (When Parents Can’t Agree)

It’s a topic no one wants to think about: what happens to your minor children if you and your spouse are no longer around. But an essential part of being a responsible parent is providing a clear plan should the unthinkable happen. What makes a difficult task even more excruciating is when you and your spouse can’t agree on a guardian for your children. There may be options that you haven’t considered, however.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

1. Hire a good attorney. For huge life decisions like the guardianship of your children, you need an attorney who not only specializes in such cases, but who will take the time needed to guide you through all of the options. It won’t be cheap, but it’s worth the expense to find a good attorney who will help you make smart decisions.
2. Get inside a judge’s head. If you and your spouse have different ideas of who would be the perfect guardian for your children, put yourself in a judge’s shoes. Think about who she would determine is the better guardian. Consider which option is in better health and if one person or couple already is raising children of the same age. There are certain questions and standards that are applied to guardianship cases in the courts, and you should consider those same questions in your deliberations.
3. Think outside the box. Most couples tend to consider only their immediate family members as potential guardians—namely siblings and parents. But there are other possibilities. Couple friends from church, for example, likely have the same values as you do.
4. Make a split decision. Kind of like joint custody in a divorce case, it’s possible to incorporate both your choice and your spouse’s choice—assuming both parties are mature enough to make the arrangement work. One person might be better suited to raising your kids during the school year, while the other choice may be a great place for your kids to spend summers and school breaks.
5. Talk to your guardian choices. It does no good to make a decision about a guardian only to run the risk of them refusing should they ever be needed. You need to know for certain that they will accept the job, and the only way to know is to ask.
6. Revisit the issue periodically. Times change, and so do life circumstances. While your parents might have been a good choice 10 years ago, they might not be up to the task now. Instead, you may have developed solid relationships with people over the years that you would feel great leaving your children to.

Tips & Warnings

• If you have an older child, consider asking him to be your younger children’s guardian. Or if you don’t have a child old enough to act as guardian yet, keep this possibility in mind as your oldest grows.
• Make sure you leave sufficient life insurance to your children’s guardian so that it won’t be a financial burden for the guardian to raise them.