How to Deal With a Boss Who Plays Favorites

When the boss plays favorites, somebody gets hurt. Inter-office harmony is endangered and teamwork is practically impossible. No boss in her right mind would deliberately sabotage the harmony and teamwork that are so vital, nevertheless it happens all the time. Here are some ways to deal with the problem.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Patience, a great work ethic, a good sense of humor.

1. Start by being realistic, and recognize that your boss is only human. It's natural for her to prefer the company of one employee over another, though an astute employer will keep her preferences to herself.

2. Try to determine if the favoritism is real, or if the boss just knows another employee better, due to longer association or different circumstances. Try to get to know the boss a little better. That doesn't mean kissing up, just simple friendliness, like asking how your boss's son is doing in college, or inquiring about a prized pet whose picture sits on the boss's desk.

3. Analyze how the preferential treatment of another employee actually affects you. Does your job potential suffer, or is it mostly a matter of hurt feelings? If the boss comes in the office in the morning and warmly greets one staff member while barely acknowledging you, your feathers may get ruffled. It shows a lack of good sense in your boss, but does it really harm your job? If the job is otherwise satisfying, it may well be worth it to put up with ham-handed behavior from your boss, and get your emotional needs met elsewhere.

4. Examine your own efforts to see if you really are the good worker you believe yourself to be. Just because the boss has not mentioned any problems, don't assume there are none. Your boss may be terrified of confrontation and find it easier to show her disapproval by being less friendly to you that she is to better workers.

5. Ask for a meeting at the boss's convenience. In the meeting, be approachable and ready to accept criticism if it comes. Ask if your work meets the boss's expectations or if the boss sees a need for improvement. She may have trouble voicing her opinions, so ask specific questions, such as:"Am I turning out the quantity of reports you expected?"
   If the boss is inclined to give more or better assignments to one staff member, say: "I notice you rely more on my coworker than on me. Is there something about my work that you feel is less reliable? What can I do to change that?"
   Or, ask: "What do you consider to be a good employee or what do you value in an employee?" An employee who seems lazy to you might be the one who comes up with the great ideas in meetings with the boss. At the very least, it should ease some of the tension to know why there is favoritism.

6. If you've done all you can to get to the bottom of the problem, should you go over the boss's head? Human resource experts say, generally not. There is unlikely to be any real satisfaction and you may set yourself up for even more tension in the workplace.

7. Finally, remember, jobs are not marriages. If you like the job well enough to live with the favoritism, then decide to overlook it. It's probably not as serious as it feels to you. If you can't live with it, it may be in your best interest to move on.

[Trese]

on 9/13/2008 Aimee30... sounds like you've had some really bad bosses. I've been the boss and I've been the victim of bad bosses. When you're the victim, you feel helpless, I know. But I've also been the boss and I tried hard to recognize good work and understand problems. I would never make a general comment that most bosses are bad... it's just not true. TV makes us think that all bosses are greedy and unfair. Don't believe it... it just isn't true. Bosses are people too.

[Aimee30]

on 9/12/2008 You give too much of a benefit of a doubt to the boss, really though. Sometimes they just decide that they like certain people because they think their attitude is better and actually pull some dirty tricks instead of communicating exactly what they want. They sometimes have a tendency to treat their workers like children and decide that certain people are just who they like just because they seem more obedient, but really are not. Honestly, they should set up people who work hard as an example, not just people who agree with them. You can work your brains out and be more efficient than other people and all these other people have to do is show up, be quiet and act like indentured servants who owe everything to their master, and smile like it makes no difference. People like people to never disagree with them even if they are wrong it seems.