How to Decline a Dinner Invitation

Have you been invited to a dinner gathering by that person (or persons) you just can’t see sharing a meal with? Odds are you want to get out of it in whatever way possible, and not come across completely rude in the process. Don’t worry, you can gracefully get out of this one.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

1. If you receive the invitation via mail or e-mail, you have the advantage of not looking face-to-face at the person inviting you as they are doing so. This allows you make all the groans and facial expressions of displeasure without them noticing. Once you get those out of your system, you can begin formulating a way out.
2. Should you not have the mail or e-mail advantage, and you are looking the person in the eye as they are inviting you to this dreaded event, try to remain as expressionless as possible. Too much fake happiness at the invite will either make them think you’re actually going to come or that you want repeat invites for months to come. The initial “Oh God, NO!” reaction through your facial expressions needs to be carefully avoided; it is better to look busy or preoccupied so that no discernable reaction can be seen in your face.
3. If possible, don’t answer “yes” or “no” immediately and say that you have to check the date. Everyone has busy schedules and calendars often need to be consulted to make sure multiple events aren’t happening on the same day, so the host shouldn’t get mad at this. Make sure you don’t say no before hearing when the date of the party is; the host is sure to raise an eyebrow at this.
4. Pick an event that would involve people the host doesn’t know that could feasibly be going on the same day as the dinner party. Making sure the host does not know your alibi allows fewer ways for the host to find out that you just don’t want to go to their party. Being too vague by merely saying “I have other plans” might seem suspicious if you can’t elaborate on what the other plans are, but be careful also to not go overboard with convoluted fictional details about your uncle’s roommate’s wife’s step-daughter’s bat mitzvah at The Ritz where David Copperfield will be making an appearance.
5. If possible, decline the invitation via email or phone. This is often much easier then having to answer the person face-to-face, and it leaves slightly less room for them to attempt to talk you into going. Be sure you explain that you’re sorry you’ll be unable to make the dinner, but be careful not to say “Maybe next time!” if you don’t want there to be a next time; this will just spark another future invite you have to get out of.
6. Even if you don’t want to go to the party, make sure you at least give the host the courtesy of letting them know you won’t be attending. While you might not like their company, they are trying to plan an event and need a head count so they can get themselves organized. Just ignoring their invitation completely is impolite and rude.