How to Deal With Offenses

What an inevitability! No matter what you are doing or where you are going, the probability of being offended never reaches zero. This is not a bad thing! All this means is that you are alive, unique and an individual. If offenses come, it's a great indicator that you are not in stagnation, but active in you life, as well as in the lives of others. Surprisingly, it is through our offenses that we discover who we are, as if they were fire designed to refine us to the most pure gold. Too often, however, as individuals we hold onto these offenses and allow them to break us apart, rather than strengthening us. This is unfortunate, but true. However, offenses are not too difficult to deal with

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• Friends

1. You are hurt. One of your friends made a joke at your expense. A parent or guardian took a verbal 2x4 and struck your heart with it. Something was said that penetrated as far as your soul, and no words seem to help heal the wound. It is hard to believe, but if you are hurt by a loved one or a friend that is close to you, more often than not it was not intentional. If you can, remove yourself for a while. Find a solitary place where you can be alone for however long is required. It is healthy to allow yourself to dwell on the offense for a short time. Ask questions like, “why did that offend me,” and, “why did they say that?” It is okay to be angry during this time. It's only natural. But remember, never speak while in the emotional aftermath of the offense. This will avoid an unnecessary quarrel with the possibly ignorant perpetrator.
2. Once your recovery reaches a point suitable for social interaction, rejoin the crowd. Never isolate yourself after an offense, as this usually leads down the road of self-pity. No, avoid that destructive path through interacting with others in the group. Of course, if you need more time to recover emotionally, it is always safe to say goodnight and either go home or retire in your room. If the offense was received while speaking with a friend or loved one alone, escape to the bathroom or to the car if you need to be alone. Then, upon returning, judge if you need more time to process and, if so, retire and say your goodbyes. Allow at least a day for processing and perspective to settle before approaching the individual.
3. You have finally reached your sanctuary. You are home in bed, or seated in your favorite chair, sipping a nice hot Earl Grey with honey and lemon, listening to soft, instrumental music in the background, allowing yourself to think. In this place of solitude, pursue some healthy self reflection. It is acceptable to shed some tears. Never feel ashamed over this, as it is sometimes necessary in the healing process. Spend some time thinking about the great memories with the one who offended you. Try to remember how it was between you before this event. This is a great way of gaining perspective, and I promise, you will feel, at least, a little better by the end of the night
4. Spend some time the next day doing what you love. Enjoy yourself. This gives you some much needed distance between you and the issue at hand. Surprisingly, this is part of the processing, as you allow yourself to move on from this often enslaving situation.
5. When you have had a couple of laughs, a good meal and visited some friends or loved ones, sit and write down all your thoughts. Journal down yesterday's events, what happened during your recovery the night before, and how you are feeling at that moment. This is so very important! Now all your thoughts are on the page(s) in front of you. Read over your notes a couple of times, adding thoughts, emotions and feelings to the marginalia.
6. It is time to sit back in your chair, place your notes on a table or in the seat next to you and close your eyes. Formulate a mental image of the person and utter the words, “I forgive you.” This will either be extremely easy or wrenchingly difficult. Truth knows that forgiveness is a choice, just as love is a choice. Do this over and over until you begin to feel a peace rest on this decision. Take as long as you need.
7. The weight of the offense has lifted off of your shoulders and it is time to approach the individual. Explain to them what offended you that night and ask for their forgiveness for being offended. Of course, after witnessing such humility, it is uncommon for the individual not to offer their apologies as well.
8. Then spend some time talking and being friends again. Schedule a time to have dinner or to do something fun together. Restart the relationship and, once again, enjoy one another.