How to Deal with Criticizing Parents as an Adult

There are easy going people in this world and there are those who are very serious and have impossibly high standards that they set for others. Most of the time we can avoid those people who are overly critical or cause us frustration, but what happens when it's your parents who are the overly critical? One possible option is to cut them out of your life, but this is not a very happy solution. If you want to work things out instead, here are some things to keep in mind.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

1. Realize that you're all adults. Approaching the matter from a childish stand point and yelling at each other will only make the matter worse. You want your parents to see you as a responsible adult capable of running your own life, so don't act like a child!

2. Decide if your parents' criticism is legitimate. This is a time to be mature and ask yourself if they have a point in what they're criticizing you about. If you can admit that they do have a point and if you want to change your behavior, being mature enough to admit it is a good place to start.

3. Talk to your parents. If their concerns lie mostly with your interests or your personal life, the problem may be theirs. They have to realize that you are your own person and that you may not have the personality or interests that they want you to have or that they themselves had. If this causes self-esteem issues for you, bring it up to your criticizing parent if you feel comfortable enough to do so. They may not even be aware of the effect it has upon you.

4. Learn to let some things go. Don't ignore your parent(s), but allow some of what they say to go in one ear and out the other. Use your discretion; you know what's important to listen to and what's not. This is especially helpful for dealing with issues that you've discussed but your parent continues to bring up. Let it go instead of becoming angry, or try to explain to them in a different way why it bothers you.

Tips & Warnings

• Your criticizing parent is likely trying to look out for your best interest and doesn't realize that they're actually accomplishing the opposite. If this is the case, once you understand this, it may be easier to come to a solution between the two of you.
• Always stay respectful. Use phrases like "I hear what you're saying but..." if you'd like to respond to something you don't agree to.
• Don't burn bridges with your family. You may really need them someday; you don't want that link to be gone.
• Don't bottle up your frustration. That leads to large emotional explosions later, and possibly saying things you don't want to or mean.

[julebran]

on 12/7/2008 I am in the same position as you and really do not know how to deal with my parents..I love them deeply..I am 45 years old and they are in their 70s but sometimes I still feel like a small child with them and that they don't want to see me happy..It's hard to explain..They have not been that supportive of me, but critical and judgemental and old-fashioned..It's a long story..I feel protective of my mom since I was a child, but have no clue how to deal with my parents as I feel they do not respect me and I am afraid of their responses sometimes..I moved away too, to a different city, and feel guilty sometimes..Holidays are a rough time too..I feel sometimes that my wants and needs and opinions don't seem to register with them..I want them to treat me like an adult and sometimes they embarrass me in front of my friends too..

[miramira]

on 1/5/2008 I am first born daughter of camp survivors. to say they are critical or controlling is an understatement. I am in my 50's and they are still alive and still talk down to me as though I were 5.
It has caused me so much stress in my life,. so many wrong turns in every aspect from love to career. I had to move a thousand miles a way just to get some peace, and really find out who I was.They would say that no one would ever love me like they did and that none of my friends really liked me they were only using me. When my son was small, My mom chopped all his curls off without asking me and kept saying look at your mom, do you want to be like her ? huh? huh? she's too good, she's too Good as though it were a bad thing in the name of Love but,if what they were saying to me was Love, what was MEAN,overbearing,judgmental,rude,no boundary's,constant yelling and screaming, Heartless,cold.I surviv