How to Date Someone Your Parents Disapprove Of

We probably all have had the experience or have a friend who's had the experience of dating someone that your parents just don't like. It can be an awkward situation to handle, especially if you want to continue dating the person! Unfortunately, because each situation is so different and can be very circumstantial, there's no easy or clear-cut solution to this problem.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

1. Find out the reason for your parents' disapproval. Is it based on something factual (catching the person in numerous lies, for example) or are they making assumptions based on appearances or what they've heard? Are you assuming that they'll disapprove or have they actually said something to you?

2. Decide if their concern is legitimate or not. Perhaps they disapprove because they do not want you to get hurt. In this case, you'll want to sit down with them and discuss your concerns as adults. Try to understand where your parents are coming from, and address their concerns as best as you can without yelling or becoming angry. It won't help the situation!
   
   If their concern has to deal with cultural differences, there may be little you can do. In this case, you'll have to be honest. Decide what is more important to you, understand that you will likely hurt one side with your decision, but pick one route and stick with it to avoid causing more harm than necessary.

3. Decide if you see this relationship as long term or marriage material. If you're dating just to date and foresee the relationship ending, then there isn't as much cause for concern. However, if you want the relationship to last long term or turn into a marriage, you don't want parents' disapproval to harm that relationship, and should address the problem as soon as possible.

4. Accept that your parents may never approve of the person you have chosen, but realize that with time and patience they may at least become tolerant. Don't hold this against them; they're people too.

5. Realize that you're all adults. You are responsible for your own decisions, no matter how much persuading people try to do. Just be prepared for whatever consequences your decisions have, whether good or bad.

6. End things if the issues are unresolvable. If your parents will never approve of the person you date and you value their approval and/or views higher than dating the person you're dating, end the relationship. It will be hard and painful, depending on how involved you are, but in the end it will be most fair to all sides. Continuing to date someone that you truly have no intention of staying with long term or forever because of your parents' disapproval is unfair to them and will only hurt them more later on. End the relationship to allow both of you to find more suitable matches.

Tips & Warnings

• Stay honest and calm, and be respectful. Bad tempers will hurt your chances of at least reaching a peaceful compromise.
• If all else fails, agree to disagree.
• Don't repeat your mistakes. If you tend to keep dating people your parents don't, or never will approve of, perhaps it's time to re-evaluate your standards.