How to Help Loved Ones Achieve New Year's Resolutions

Here's to success!

The other day I was talking to a friend of mine about the improvements I'd like to see in my career in the coming year. He said to me, "I know you're going to do it. I have no doubt. You're talented and dedicated and I look forward to witnessing your continued success." I told him that I appreciated his cheerleading because I needed every bit of encouragement I could get. He responded, "It's my pleasure. Besides, it's not just good for you if you succeed, it's good for me, too. It's best for me when all my friends are happy and successful." Isn't that the selfless truth? We all benefit when those around us strive toward their potential. Success is contagious. Helping your loved ones achieve their deepest goals will not only improve their quality of life, but will elevate your life as well.

Instructions

1. Discover their dreams. It is so easy to get lost in the day to day routines of relating that we often forget to check in with our closest family and friends on a deep level. The beginning of a new year is a perfect time to pause and find out what changes they are longing to make in their lives.

2. Share your resolutions. What hopes do you have for the coming year? A new job? More romance? Less debt? Do you want to run a marathon? Practice drawing? Patch a broken relationship? Sharing what you plan to accomplish this year will encourage your loved ones to share their plans as well. Create a culture of communication in which you all feel comfortable discussing not only your dreams, but also your successes and failures on the path to materializing those dreams.

3. Ask, "Is there anything I can do to help?" Maybe your friend needs you to check in weekly if she's been committed to her workouts. Maybe your husband needs you to cut back a bit on your spending, so that he can invest in the business he's ready to start. Find out what your loved ones need from you and vow to support as they ask.

4. Seek help as well. Just as your loved ones will need your support to achieve their dreams, you will need their help to achieve your own. Don't be shy about asking for what you need and accepting help when it is offered.

5. Support realistic goals. Encourage your loved ones to make resolutions that they can keep. If you see a friend biting off more than he can chew-i.e. trying to quit smoking, move to a new city, wake up earlier, learn tango and write the great American novel-encourage him to scale back. It isn't that your friend can't do all of these things, but trying to do too many new things at once will overload the system. Encourage your friend to move slowly, to take baby steps, and most importantly, to find joy in the process.

6. Always speak positively. Say, "I believe in you. I know you can do it. You're doing a great job. I'm proud of you."

7. Put setbacks in perspective. When you catch your wife sneaking a second slice of cake when she vowed to eat sweets just once a week, don't make her feel ashamed. Remind her that she is making a lifestyle change and a lifestyle change is like taking a long walk up a mountain, not a short sprint down the straightaway of track. One setback doesn't mean the failure of a resolution. Be gentle when your loved one slips up. Remember: slipups are a necessary part on the path toward success. The goal is not necessarily to eliminate slipups altogether, but rather to reduce slipups to a lesser number. Don't let these little bumps crush your loved one's psyche.

8. Encourage loved ones to seek help. Some resolutions require help from an outside party. Overcoming certain addictions may require a support group or a 12-step program. Embarking on new endeavors may require guidance from a mentor or learning new skills by enrolling in a class. Healing emotional hurts may require seeking help from a counselor or trusted spiritual leader. Why should your loved ones travel alone when there are many people prepared and willing to help them on the journey to success?

Tips & Warnings

• Sometimes witnessing changes in a loved one can evoke uncomfortable feelings. Change, even positive change, is difficult. The sight of your loved one working to improve his or her life might leave you feeling inadequate. You might worry how these changes will affect your relationship. Or maybe those changes will force you to examine some unresolved issues in your own life. Be prepared that as your loved ones grow, you will have to grow along with them.