How to Have a Casual Conversation with Anybody

The ability to hold a casual conversation is an important life-skill that helps in social situations and in business. Some people are natural conversationalists, but you can hone your basic talents so that you can converse with anybody.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

1. Realize that successful casual conversation is not about you. The goal is to put the other person at ease and draw them out. Don't try to overwhelm anyone by bragging about your accomplishments.

2. Ask questions to determine what topics are of interest to the other person. This is what Emily Post termed “...going fishing for topics.” Find out if they like to travel or if they have a hobby. Make small talk about the weather, sports, movies or other non-controversial subjects. Frame what you say as an open-ended question so that the other person has a cue to contribute. Compose a list of topic starter questions like, “Have you read any good books lately?”

3. Avoid controversy. Even if you are passionate about your religion, politics, or a cause, a casual conversation is not the place to air your views. In the event that the other person initiates a discussion about a controversial issue, politely turn the conversation in another direction.

4. Don’t cut off the conversation with a curt reply or with a strong negative opinion. It is fine to say, “I disagree with you on that one.” Then you can bring up another topic, using one of your starter questions.

5. Tolerate silence in the conversation. Just don’t let it become too lengthy or awkward. Use pauses in the conversation as opportunities to move to another person if there are several people in the room. Excuse yourself politely to get refreshments. If you are a captive to the conversation partner, change to another topic.

6. Commit to yourself that you will use positive statements even about difficult people. Remember your grandmother’s rule: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” This simple rule will help you to avoid uttering tactless comments that you will regret later.

7. Ask questions if you find yourself saddled with a conversation partner who is socially inept and talks on and on about minutiae. By forcing yourself to listen carefully enough to compose a question about the other person’s topic, you will remain alert. This may help you to find a reason to escape the conversation sooner than later.

[gretad08]

on 5/19/2009 I wish everyone knew the art of good conversation! Great suggestions.