How to Handle Your Spouse's Ex When She Despises You

Divorce is not always a mutual agreement. Coming into a new relationship where there is a bitter and vindictive ex-spouse is every woman's nightmare. But it is not the end of the world. There are things that you can do to keep your sanity while it seems like the world is slinging mud on your doorstep.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

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1. Don't take things the ex-spouse says and does to you personally. Anyone who is dating/married/involved in any way with her ex is bound to experience the same things you will.
2. Remember that sometimes when people are angry or hurt, they lash out. That is exactly what is happening here. Do not add fuel to the fire by lashing back. It is unnecessary and creates more problems for you.
3. Remember the old childhood saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." That applies here. Words hurt feelings but only when you let them mean something.
4. Remember that not everyone you meet will like you. It doesn't matter if you are as saintly as Mother Theresa, the ex-spouse may see you as an evil Jezebel and there is nothing that you can do to change that.
5. Be cordial. It may be difficult but try to be civil for the sake of the children. Children pick up on tension between adults in their lives and this causes stress for them.
6. If there is absolutely no way that you and the ex can be civil to each other in a setting with the children, then follow the other childhood rule, "If you do not have anything nice to say, then say nothing at all." In this matter, you will have no regrets for spouting off about something that you really should not have said in front of the children.
7. The important thing to focus on is your relationship. If there are children involved, then they are part of the focus as well. As for someone who is angry, bitter, hurt, and has no real ties to your current relationship, there is no need to focus on them.
8. In order to get in the habit of doing something, experts say that it takes 21 days of repeated behavior to make it a habit. Make it a habit to not let what the ex spouse says or does to you upset you. Remain calm and find another focus.
9. No matter what someone says about you, people will form their own opinions of you. Do not be concerned that the clique the ex-spouse has at your stepchildren's school glares at you during school functions. Their opinions are based on false information and their friendship is obviously not one that you want anyway, as they are not capable of making their own opinions.
10. Be supportive of your spouse but in times of conflict regarding the children, let the exes work things out. Chances are, your husband's ex is already insecure about you being involved with her children. No need to upset her more by arguing with her about how she should handle something regarding her children.
11. Though it may seem like you are being a coward by remaining quiet and passive about the things the ex is saying and doing, this will have a positive outcome in the future. Not only on your health but also on your relationship with the ex spouse, your current spouse, and any children involved.

Tips & Warnings

• In the event that the ex-spouse seeks your attention in ways that are illegal or potentially threatening, seek help either through local law enforcement or other legal means. Threats and acts that can cause bodily harm are serious and should not be ignored.