How to Be a Parent of Adult Children

All your years of raising children are over! Now your children are living their own lives whether or not they are economically independent of you. You still have many opportunities to set a good example and to enjoy the results of your hard work. There may be challenges ahead, but you can face them.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• Good listening skills
• Willingness to compromise
• Your own life

1. Recognize that whatever happened in the past, your children are adults. They are responsible for their own life decisions which may not correspond to your life choices.
2. Even though they are adults, they still need your love and support. Ask about the challenges they are facing. Point out their strengths and their past successes in facing challenges. Gently remind them of the ways they may get stuck, but only when they present an opening.
3. Be as enthusiastic as you can about your child’s life partner. Focus on every reason why the partner deserves respect and affection.
4. Get clear with your child about when and where visits with you will take place. Realize that you may realistically have to take a back seat to her own spouse and family, especially if she has a heavy work schedule.
5. Offer to stay in a nearby hotel or motel to make visits easier for him. When it’s possible, offer to take care of his children so he can get a break.
6. Be honest about your own health issues so she can help you. Tell him what kind of help you need.
7. Be willing to turn holiday celebrations over to the next generation. After all, why else did they choose all that china, silver and glassware?
8. Live your own life. Now that your active parenting years are over, you’re free to pursue your own interests.
9. Don’t give advice unless it’s requested or there is an emergency. All adults are still learning, will make mistakes, and need to learn from them.
10. Make a will and buy long-term care insurance. Leave instructions concerning the location of important papers and family treasures.
11. Thank them for their care and attention. Don’t take it for granted.

Tips & Warnings

• Be prepared for old family issues to rear up, but try to get a better perspective.
• Use caution when financial matters arise. If your help is requested and you can do it, great! If you can’t, explain why honestly.