How to Discuss Teen Pregnancy With Kids

It’s everywhere...on the news, in the movies, on magazine covers—and everyone is talking about it—teen pregnancy. The United States has the highest teen pregnancy rate in the western world—over one million teens will become pregnant in the next year. So what is a parent to do? Talk about it, of course. That’s right, even though you may feel awkward and want to put off the discussion, or let someone else do it for you—most parents acknowledge that is not the wisest approach. Teen pregnancy is one subject that by sweeping it under the rug, you may be faced with a more serious discussion when your teen tells you they are going to be a mother or a father. You probably don’t want to see your “baby” raising a baby, so lets get the discussion started immediately.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

1. Use your Influence.
   Research is on your side. Findings show that young people, although embarrassed when talking with parents about sex, do listen. Children of all ages are influenced by what they see and hear in the media. To counteract these outside opinions and celebrity role models, parents need to have many, many discussions. This is not a one-time conversation.

2. Have a Point of View and Express It.
   Practice clarifying your point of view and values by having discussions with your spouse and friends too. Not only will you become more comfortable with the topic, you will also be better prepared to address a wide range of the issues involved. It is not enough to simply say, “Don’t have sex.” You have to help the young person think about the reasons why teen pregnancy is not a good idea.

3. Look for Opportunities For Conversation.
   When talking to your teen, don’t make it personal to their situation. Kids may not choose to talk openly with parents about personal sexuality, so keep the discussions focused on the teen celebrity who is pregnant. For example, ask, “Did you see that so and so is pregnant? What do you think about that?” Tell them what you think about the fact that the teenage celebrity is pregnant.

4. Discuss Ramifications of Pregnancy Fully.
   Here are topics to talk about: The short-term and long term consequences of having a baby and the responsibilities associated with being pregnant. What it costs to have a baby, and the specific ways that a teenager’s life changes when they become a parent.

5. Hold Open Discussion.
   Lectures don't work as well as discussions. Teens will respond openly if they know that their opinions are welcomed and they will not be scolded.
   Involve the young person in the discussion by asking open-ended questions: "Why do you think teenagers have sex?" "What are some reasons why teens don’t use contraception?" If they don’t answer, then you answer the question for them by saying: “I think teens have sex because…..”

6. Point out how Society Sends Mixed Messages About Sex.
   Talk of sex fills the airwaves. Sex is used to sell everything from cars to perfume. Ask: "How does the media and the entertainment industry influence teenagers’ decisions about sex?" "Do you wish sex were treated differently in popular television shows, in music and movies?" "If so, how?"

7. Discuss Love Versus Sex.
   Do they go together? Are they the same thing? To stimulate your own thinking about love, you might read "The Art of Loving" by Erich Fromm.

8. Reassure the Young Person that They Can Come to You.
   Answer all questions openly and honestly. If you don’t know the answer, tell them that you will find out. Tell the young person that you want them to get the information they need from you. Tell them often that you trust them to make good decisions.

9. Be Encouraged!
   Your child will not welcome the conversation, but be assured that they are are listening and taking in what you're saying. They are discussing these issues with friends and they remember what you've said.

Tips & Warnings

• All teenagers need encouragement to postpone sexual involvement and information on pregnancy prevention if they become sexually active.
• Too often, adolescent pregnancy is viewed as a problem having to do exclusively with teenage girls. Overlooked are the teenage boys and men who share equally in this responsibility. Boys need pregnancy prevention information and services as well.
• Check in often. Your kids will not come to you to open this discussion; you have to go to them.

[jkg0679]

on 11/9/2008 Great article! Thank you for the advice!

[TeryLynne]

on 1/5/2008 Great article. Communication is key. Too many families close the door on this topic. We need to be more open and not be so afraid.