How to Get Tossed Off a Dating Website

With so many dating sites, and so many singles, you might often wonder how to get noticed by the person of your dreams. The answer is by creating a unique profile. Unfortunately, there are as many pitfalls as there are tricks when it comes to creating a snappy profile. Here are some of the experiences of someone who's been successful in creating the wrong profile and getting expelled from the popular Internet dating site, Match.com.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

1. Since the majority of singles who cruise Internet dating sites will make instant decisions based on the photographs you submit, try to submit something that will stand out--it doesn't even have to be your photo. One great way to get noticed by the Match.com police is to post a picture of Frank Sinatra or George Clooney. If you're a man, try posting a photo Jennifer Anniston.

2. List your marital status as "separated and fooling around." If you use this banned status, your profile will never see the light of day.

3. When describing what you do for fun, choose a variety of activities that lie outside mainstream interests. For instance, try activities such as "colonic irrigation," "donating sperm" or "visiting sanitariums" as things you enjoy doing in your free time.

4. List an objectionable occupation. Jobs like a "telemarketer for a mortuary," "automobile repossessor," "manure inspector" or "semen washer" will usually evoke an email from the site administrator.

5. People are interested in what type of books and magazines you read, so list things like "Pornography Business Monthly" or "my search warrants" for that unique edge.

6. Prospective partners are always trying to peer into the minds of their online dates. So, when someone asks you what you like to do on a Friday night, suggest "rummaging around dumpsters" or "visiting the county morgue" as unique dating alternatives. If someone on the site doesn't report you, the website audits will certainly isolate you.

7. Other single men and women want to know about your dating history, so be honest. Describe for them the hundreds of co-workers you've had affairs with, the resentments that you still harbor from your divorce 10 years ago and your dismal outlook for the future.

8. One of the best ways to get tossed off an Internet dating site is to use words that show up on their "banned" list. These include just about any part of the male or female anatomy, the words "eggs," "semen" or any other bodily fluids you wouldn't talk about in mixed company.

Tips & Warnings

• With over 40 million people visiting online dating websites, you'll need to say something bold to get you tossed off the site. Go for broke.
• Whenever possible, lie about your age. It may take people a while to catch on that you're not really 25 years old but eventually your stories about World War II will do you in.
• Never use the terms, "athletic and toned," "drinks occasionally" or "never smoke. These terms are guaranteed to plunge you into obscurity.
• Never submit a real photograph of yourself. The entire online dating industry is built on duplicity and lies. No one else is honest--why should you be?