Things You'll Need:
- A loving and nurturing attitude toward yourself
- A desire to love yourself and to challenge old ways of thinking
- An awareness of our thoughts and feelings
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Step 1
Know that understanding our thoughts helps us to learn new ways of thinking. If we have been taught inappropriate patterns of thinking that lead to low self-esteem, we need to learn how to change these unhealthy thought patterns. Sometimes our critical self-thoughts are automatic and we don't even recognize they are occurring.
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Step 2
Understand that being mindful will take some effort. We have to begin to pay attention to our self-talk to examine the manner in which we are talking to ourself. We may have been taught that to put yourself first is selfish behavior--this is a concept that will need to be challenged. As we learn to track our thoughts we can become more aware of how these thoughts effect our feelings. It is important to track how often you may be talking to yourself in a negative way. If it is occurring frequently, you may be making yourself anxious or depressed. Over time, this may effect the way you look at yourself and lower your self-esteem.
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Step 3
Keep in mind that understanding our feelings can help to break the cycle of low self-esteem. As we begin to break the automatic thinking cycle, we can become more aware of a range of feelings that may be occurring in response to our self-talk. This gives you the opportunity to recognize that you have a choice in how you talk to yourself which can effect what you think and how you feel.
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Step 4
Know that understanding behavior can be the window to change. Once we identify the link between our thoughts and feelings and our triggers, we stand a chance in changing our behavior. Our behavior is an expression of our thoughts and feelings. At times, there may be gaps between what we think, how we feel and how we behave. This discrepancy can lead to conflict, stress or tension, poor decision-making or judgment, and mood or affect. We can project this anxiety about the discrepancy and teach others to treat us with less respect than we desire.
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Step 5
Keep in mind that changing our behavior is a necessary step to improving self-esteem. If we want respect, we need to communicate to others that we are worthy of respect. We need to take responsibility to our own level of self-esteem. Blaming others for the past will not get you the self-esteem you want in the present. Focus on what you want, be mindful of your self-talk, be determined to make the necessary changes and treat yourself with respect.
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Step 6
Know that examining relationships may be an important part of acquiring self-esteem. You may have to make some changes in order to improve your self-esteem. Look at your personal relationships in a critical manner to determine the degree of health. If they are unhealthy, are you willing to take the necessary steps to change them? Is the other person willing to change? You only have control over your own choices, which may result in some losses in order to get the self-esteem you seek.
