How to Deal With the Step Parent Label

Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Hansel and Gretel--the stories of children and their wicked stepmothers are endless. Books and movies have painted a picture of step parents and their inability to love step children. It has been done so many times that it has subliminally infected the way people think. To deal with the step parent label one must accept this is a fact, but know it is an undeserving label and refuse to let it to affect your parenting skills. There are steps you can take to achieve this.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• Patience
• Determination
• Communication skills
• Tough skin
• Heart

1. Prepare for never being right. In the eyes of your in laws and the child’s biological parent you will probably never be right, but that’s only their opinion and it isn’t the one that matters. What matters is the relationship between you and your step child. Keep that in mind and you will lessen your frustrations.
2. If you don’t already have a tough skin, get one. The fact that no matter what you say or do will be construed by others as wrong will play on your emotions if you let it. Learn to ignore their talk and you will be a step ahead.
3. It is imperative that you love your step child in spite of what your in laws or the child‘s biological parent is saying. Do not let their pettiness affect the bond with your step child.
4. Refuse to acknowledge gossip or unkind remarks. If you ignore these things they may eventually stop. Even if they continue, you are above such nonsense and this will give your step child an example of how to ignore it.
5. If your partner and his former spouse fight every time they are in the same room, don’t be a buffer unless you’re doing it for the child. If you can see this is affecting him then by all means take over the communication with the former spouse. The most important issue is how things affect your child.
6. When you make family rules chances are someone will question whether or not it is fair. Most likely they are doing it because they want to cause problems. If your child hears these complaints, explain why you have rules and why they are enforced. Stick to your rules and let her know they are for her best interest.
7. It is most probable your child will overhear remarks and negative gossip. Talk to him about it and let him know you love him regardless of what others say.

Tips & Warnings

• There is a good chance your child’s biological parent will still have contact with your spouse’s family. Be prepared and don’t let it bother you. It is actually good if you get along with the former wife or husband.
• Don’t live in a dream world and expect all will be peaches and cream when you say "I Do." Discuss raising a step child with your fiancé before you get married.