How to Save Dignity When Unable to Perform Sexually

One of the greatest paradoxes when it comes to alcohol is that it can be the cause and the failure of a sexual encounter. The impetus, because it relaxes inhibitions and allows strangers to bond at a dangerous rate, and the failure because it can cause impotence. The impetus causes impotence. This can be an emasculating experience for even the most masculine man, but it doesn’t have to be. By simply tweaking the situation, a man can make his dysfunction into hers. Here’s how.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

1. Act sensitive. Using lines like, "I don't know, Shelly (assuming that's her name). Something about this doesn't feel right--us just meeting and all." The woman will understand and most likely not blame your inadequate sexual machinery.
2. Act rude. Another method of saving face when unable to "rise" to the occasion is to simply tell the woman she's not attractive or that you don't like her. Nothing will end the encounter faster, and you'll have once again saved face.
3. Pretend to be honest. Before the flacid action is taken to the bedroom, bathroom, back seat or preferred choice of intercourse, tell the woman you may have contracted an STD. You'll undoubtedly very shortly be softly sleeping alone.

Tips & Warnings

• These methods have the potential to ruin your sterling reputation, especially if you overuse Step 2. Also, the best way to avoid the need for this advice is to not drink to excess. It can not only bad for your sex life, it's bad for your liver and wallet, too.