How to Set Relationship Boundaries After Mother-Daughter Sexual Abuse

Women who have suffered from mother-daughter sexual abuse often have a hard time setting relationship boundaries with their mother/abuser. We live in a society that idolizes mothers, and people who reject their mothers are viewed as ungrateful. This makes setting a relationship boundary that much harder because the abuse survivor finds much less societal support than when setting other types of relationship boundaries.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Strong desire to heal
• Patience
• Courage

1. Find a good therapist with experience in counseling people who have suffered from mother-daughter sexual abuse.

2. Decide what level of contact you desire. If you are entering into therapy and want to heal from your past, you will need to end all personal contact for at least a few months. Otherwise, you will never feel safe enough to make much progress in your healing. Consider limiting your contact to emails or letters.

3. Determine the consequence for violating the relationship boundary. For example, tell your mother in advance that you will cease all contact for three months for each boundary violation.

4. Enforce your boundaries. If necessary, get an unlisted phone number. If your mother lives nearby and continues to pay unwelcome visits, consider moving, changing the locks or refusing to answer the door.

Tips & Warnings

• Prepare yourself for limited support from the people in your life. Try to work up the courage to confide in at least one friend.
• Ask your therapist to provide you with additional tools for setting relationship boundaries.

Resources

• Making Daughters Safe Again

[shelia72]

on 8/24/2009 Great article!