Things You'll Need:
- Patience
- Listening ear
- Willingness to put your needs aside for a moment
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Step 1
The next time you find yourself ready to begin arguing over something your partner has said or done, take a breath and count to ten. "Is it really important enough to fight over?" should be the question you ask yourself.
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Step 2
Using a non confrontational tone, tell your partner that what they have done or said bothers you. Phrase your response carefully to avoid a fight. Try to point out that it is you who feels hurt or annoyed by the comment or action. Using words like "I am bothered by" or "It bothers me when" will make it more of a personal issue of your own than something wrong with your significant other. Fights break out more often when one partner feels threatened or attacked for what they feel are harmless actions.
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Step 3
Listen carefully to what your significant other has to say. Do not listen to what you think they have said. Do not try to read more into what they are saying. Ask for clarification if you need it. This is preferable to walking away from a conversation with the wrong idea.
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Step 4
Never assume. Assuming someone understands something can lead to problems later on. This happens most often when we think we have made ourselves clear on something, but were not actually spelling something out as we should have. Many times, in our own minds, asking if someone wants to go to a certain place for dinner will get an answer like "ok" or "I don't care." Be clear that while you would like to do a certain thing, it is fine for your partner to not want to. You would not want to feel as if you were pushed into doing something all of the time, so why would anyone else?
