How to Support Survivor of Mother-Daughter Sexual Abuse

Most people are unaware that mother-daughter sexual abuse even happens. As a result, women who have suffered from this particularly devastating form of abuse suffer in silence and isolation. It takes a lot of courage for a woman to confide in a friend that her mother sexually abused her. Survivors of mother-daughter sexual abuse have been betrayed by the first person they ever loved, so they fear rejection when they open up about their experiences with others. Your reaction can go a long way toward helping your friend heal. Here is how to support a survivor of mother-daughter sexual abuse.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Empathy
• Sensitivity

1. Believe your friend. Most survivors of mother-daughter sexual abuse fear that they will not be believed. Your friend has no reason to lie to you about this. Sharing that you were sexually abused by your own mother is embarrassing and often fills the survivor with very deep shame. She is taking a big risk in sharing this very personal information with you. Believe what she is telling you.

2. Tell your friend that the abuse was not her fault. Even though it might seem obvious to you that a little girl is not responsible for being sexually abused by a grown woman, all survivors of mother-daughter sexual abuse need to hear this said over and over again.

3. Empathize with your friend. Express your anger at a mother betraying a child in this manner. Show your friend compassion for experiencing such a deep level of betrayal at such a young age.

4. Stay in contact with your friend. Even if your initial conversation went very well, your friend will still feel insecure after she leaves your presence because of the deep shame that she has yet to process. If you do not call her, she might fear that you are avoiding her because you are so disgusted by her history. Stay in touch with her and let her know that she is always welcome to talk with you about her past.

5. Encourage your friend to enter into therapy. Call around and find a qualified therapist with experience in counseling women who have suffered from mother-daughter sexual abuse. Doing this legwork will be very appreciated because it spares your friend the embarrassment of having to tell multiple people about her own history in her quest to find a therapist with experience in this area. Then, strongly encourage your friend to enter into therapy. Offer to do whatever you can to make it easier for your friend to go to therapy sessions, such as by babysitting your friend's children during the sessions.

6. Educate yourself about healing from mother-daughter sexual abuse. Your friend will appreciate your willingness to understand what she is going through.

7. Listen to your friend when she needs to talk. Your friend will need somebody to talk with about her healing process outside of therapy. If you will be that person for her, she will be forever grateful.

[jandruth]

on 11/1/2009 Wow! That was an eye-opening article. You never hear about that form of abuse. In fact you never hear about mother-son abuse, but I am sure it happens.

[jandruth]

on 11/1/2009 Wow! That was an eye-opening article. You never hear about that form of abuse. In fact you never hear about mother-son abuse, but I am sure it happens.