How to Improve Your Social Skills and Make Friends

Social interaction is a necessary and important part of our lives as humans. We all need to interact with others in a social setting, be it work, school, parties etc. If you are struggling with your social skills and are looking to improve them, here are some tips to help you.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need:

• Confidence
• Desire to improve your social and other personal skills
• Time and patience to practice these skills

1. Be yourself. Yes, it's been said many times over, but it still remains the same. Be yourself and do not change your inner self or pretend to be someone else other than who you are. As humans we have an innate sense of whether someone is pretending or being real. When people discover that you are not who you have pretended to be, not only will they not respect you, but you may find yourself alone, or lonelier than you have ever been.
2. Improve your personal habits and personal appearance. Note, that changing your habits or getting a fashion or beauty make over is not changing your inner self. Instead it is choosing a fashion style and look that brings out your true sense of self by increasing your confidence and making you appear more attractive. If you are concerned about your appearance, consult a beauty expert for some help. If you decide to do a make over, make sure that it is truly reflective of your personal style and can be easily maintained.
   
   If you think that you could use some work with your etiquette, consider taking an etiquette class. Improving your table manners, cleaning up after yourself and keeping yourself clean and neat are very important personal habits to develop and improve.
3. Be responsible for your own actions. A major facet of social interaction is knowing how to carry yourself with others in public settings. Knowing what to do and how to behave in group settings is very important. One way to gauge this is to look around you and see how everyone else is behaving. If other people are behaving in a way that you feel is inappropriate or you find unacceptable, then by all means do not follow this behavior. But if everyone is standing around chatting quietly and amicably, jumping on top of a table and screaming at the top of your lungs would not be appropriate behavior.
   
   We all make mistakes so do not be overwhelmed if you happen to make a mistake in public. Do not beat yourself up or replay your mistakes over and over again in your mind. Instead laugh it off and keep going.
4. Be open and receptive to others. Do not be shy and intimidated, but do not appear desperate either. It is a delicate balance, but having confidence in yourself is the best way to garner this balance.
   
   You want to be able to talk to people and not be afraid to put yourself out there. Knowing that your good qualities and having a strong sense of self helps because you will not fear rejection and you will have the confidence to know that if you do experience rejection, it does not lessen your self worth or your intrinsic value as a human being.
5. Be polite and diplomatic. This is very different from being honest and uptight. These qualities speak to etiquette, personal habits and of course confidence. Being polite is a necessary habit. It does not mean that you have to be a sycophant (translation, butt-kisser) but it does mean that you know how to say "please" and "thank you." Being diplomatic means knowing when to speak and what to say. Sometimes being forthright is not the necessary way to go.
6. Be aware if you are turning people off. Make a note of eye contact and body language. If the person you are speaking to looks disinterested, quickly end your sentence and move on to the next topic. If the person is not interested in you in general, make an excuse and mingle with another person or group. Do not feel discouraged. It takes time to learn the skill of mingling and having conversations with people.
   
   You want to make people feel comfortable around you and you want to show people that you are interested in them as individuals. Showing interest and taking the emphasis off yourself and putting it on others makes it easier for other people to open up to you.
7. Know your friends from your enemies and would-be friends from would-be enemies. Just because someone is nice or polite to you, it does not make them an instant friend. Be cautious with your trust of other people and be careful of what you say to people you do not know or have not known long.

Tips & Warnings

• Get out and practice. Go to functions and group settings where you share interests with other people and work on your social skills in those settings. It may be easier to talk to people and get to know others who share some of your similar interests.
• Work on your social skills with people you already know. This may be easier as you may not be as self conscious with people you already know and trust.
• Work on your confidence by reading self-help books, saying affirmations and feeling good about your accomplishments and achievements.
• Developing your social skills takes time, patience and practice. Do not be afraid to make mistakes and make the effort. In time it will pay off.