How to Enjoy Parenting a Teen

Take your role as a parent seriously, but please take yourself and the situation lightly.

The idea that teenagers are impossible to talk to, live with, and relate to has become so commonplace that we adults start to believe and act as if it's so. The myth of the difficult teenage years is perpetuated over and over until everyone believes that all teenagers are difficult all the time. It just isn't so. The teenage years run smoothly and joyously for some parents. Here are some ways to make parenting teens enjoyable.

Instructions

1. You don't have to know everything. In fact, the ideal parent knows that they don't know everything, however you will need to learn new skills. Parenting a teen requires a more subtle style. What worked for a 5-year-old, no longer works when he or she reaches adolescence. You are not expected to know it all, but you are expected to keep learning and developing your parenting tools.

2. Expect the unexpected. Parenting a teen is like riding a roller coaster. You know the highs and lows are coming, but you still get quite a jolt. One minute your daughter is acting so maturely that you have to blink to make sure this is still your child. The next minute she's pitching a fit like she did when she was two.

3. Laugh about inconsistencies. A teenager can be a bundle of contradictions, one minute accusing you of interfering, and the next minute demanding your advice. Instead of pointing out the crazy inconsistencies, you'll feel calmer if you grin and have a good, private laugh. Unless you laugh to yourself about these unpredictable, unexplainable detours (laughing about them aloud is a no no)-you'll have some rough years ahead.

4. Choose power struggles carefully. Some things aren't worth arguing about. Taking on battles just to prove who's the boss or who's right causes a lot of dissension, and is a bad example for your teenager. As a mother of teenage twins points out: "Some of the stupidest conversations I've had with my 15-year-old twins are when I'm in my 'I'm right' mode, trying to prove I'm boss."

5. Use your expertise to sidestep hassling over nonsense-small stuff that in the big scheme of things doesn't really matter much.

6. Sit down, smile and be still. Sitting down makes you look available, smiling makes you look friendly, and being still makes you look ready to listen. When you find wet towels aging under the bed; when his bedroom floor is covered with dirty laundry; when she has borrowed your shoes, your sweater, your makeup, and forgot to put them back; sitting down helps. Smiling helps. Breathing helps. Going for a walk helps. It is okay to take your role as a parent seriously, but please take yourself and the situation lightly.

Tips & Warnings

• Check out my book: "Wonderful Ways to Love a Teen: Even When it Seems Impossible" (see Resources below)

Resources

• Wonderful Ways to Love a Teen: Even When it Seems Impossible