How to Avoid Being Overprotective After Child Abuse

After an adult survivor of child abuse has her life dramatically affected by child abuse, it is easy for her to react by becoming overprotective of her own children. She wants to protect their well-being at any cost, but becoming overly protective can be harmful to a child as well. While it might be necessary to remove some of a child's innocence to protect him from predators, raising a child who sees the world as completely unsafe is abusive, even when done with the best of intentions. In order to grow and develop in a healthy manner, a child needs to know that her environment is safe. Here is how to keep your child safe while, at the same time, avoid being overly protective after child abuse.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

1. Identify what harm you fear might come to your child if he engages in a certain activity. For example, a child could break his wrist if he falls off a skateboard, or he could be molested if he spends the night at somebody's house.
2. Recognize the benefits of allowing your child to participate in an activity. Most boys enjoy engaging in activities with the potential for physical injury, such as riding bikes or skateboarding, and millions of children engage in these activities without experiencing serious harm. Do you really want to deprive your child of a normal and enjoyable part of his childhood? If your child never spends a night away from you, how will he adjust when his first night away is in a dorm room? Part of growing up is stretching your wings and having new experiences without mommy or daddy hovering nearby.
3. Determine what safeguards you could put into place to minimize the risk of harm. For example, you could require your child to wear a helmet, wrist guards, elbow guards, and knees guards to protect his body from falls while skateboarding. You could only allow your child to spend the night at the homes of people who you fully trust, such as your best friend's house.
4. Assess the likelihood of something dire happening if you allow your child to engage in an activity. What is the worst thing that could happen to your child? How likely is it that the worst case scenario will happen?
5. Negotiate a compromise with your child. Your child might have some good ideas about ways to make an activity more safe or to make you feel more comfortable about him taking a risk.

Tips & Warnings

• Remember that even after all you suffered, you were able to heal and be okay. Even if your child breaks his arm in the process of enjoying a new experience, his broken bone will heal.
• Finding a qualified therapist with experience in counseling people who have suffered from similar abuses is an important part of healing from child abuse. Your therapist can provide you with additional tools to avoid being overprotective after child abuse.
• If you do not allow your child to take some risks, such as learning how to ride a bike, then he will grow into an adult who is afraid of taking any risks. It is difficult for a person to succeed in life when he only takes the safest path.