How to Stop Believing Abuser's Lies After Child Abuse

Child abuse is filled with lies. The abuser lies repeatedly to his child victim, telling him things like he is worthless and unlovable, that the child will never be safe, that the child will never be free from the abuser, and that the child is responsible for being abused. The child abuser makes his child victim believe that the abuser is all-powerful and can harm or kill anyone the child loves with no repercussions. The child grows into an adult that continues to perpetuate these lies long after the abuser is out of his life. Here is how to stop believing your abuser's lies after child abuse.

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Instructions

1. Stop repeating the abuser's lies. Adult survivors of child abuse often repeat their abuser's lies to themselves on a regular basis. They tell themselves that they are fundamentally unlovable and can never lead a "normal" life. As long as you continue to repeat these lies to yourself, it will be hard for you to push past them. Make a conscious choice to end the negative self-chatter.

2. Tell yourself the truth. Replace the negative self-chatter with true statements, even if you do not yet believe them. The truth is that all children deserve to be loved, the abuse was not your fault and you can heal from your past. Tell yourself these messages multiple times a day, even if you do not believe a word of them.

3. Process your emotions from the abuse. Traumatic experiences store as highly charged memories that elicit very strong emotions. Before you can see your experiences clearly, you need to process the emotions. Comfort your terror, soothe your grief and honor your anger.

4. Examine your abuse memories through adult eyes. After you have healed the associated emotions, you are in a position to examine your childhood experiences through adult eyes. Notice the ways in which your abuser took advantage of your childish innocence. A child who believes in Santa can easily believe that an abuser has the ability to slaughter her family with no repercussions.

5. Forgive yourself for believing your abuser's lies. Let go of the energy you have used to beat yourself up for believing your abuser and, instead, use that energy to focus on healing yourself.

Tips & Warnings

• Because you have believed your abuser's lies for most of your life, it is going to take time and patience to undo the damage. Remember that the truth always wins, so rest in the knowledge that your hard work will eventually pay off.
• Finding a qualified therapist with experience in counseling people who have suffered from similar abuses is an important part of healing from child abuse. Your therapist can provide you with additional tools to stop believing your abuser's lies after child abuse.