How to comfort someone who has lost a loved one

Almost everyone goes through a difficult loss at some point in their lives. One of the most difficult things about loosing a loved one is that is seems that nobody- sometimes friends included- has the right thing to say. If you have a friend or a family member in need of some comforting words, read below for good ways to approach this person, tips on what to say and things not to say.

Difficulty:

Moderately Challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need

• Kleenex
• An understanding, compassionate heart
• A sense of empathy
• Pleanty of hugs to give away

1. If you have a friend or family member who has reciently lost a loved one, they are probably going through an emotional roller coaster. Some people like to be around others while others want to be left alone. Regardless of which one your friend is, approach them either in person or by a phone call and tell them how sorry you are that they are sad and going through this.

2. Once you have told them how badly you feel that they are in pain, let your friend know that you are there for him/her if and when he/she ever needs to talk.

3. LISTEN!!! At this point, your friend might open up to you and express how he/she is feeling or dealing with the loss. This might involve the person crying. If that happens, pat him/her on the back, or offer a hug. The friend might choose that they would rather not talk about their feelings at this time. If he/she expresses that, respect their wishes! Give him/her some space and either bring up another subject. You have done the best you can do, by letting the other person know that you are there for them.

Tips & Warnings

• If there was a death in a friend'd family and you know the family well, you might send a card to the family. It's a good idea to get one specifically for your friend as well. It is a bit more personal.

• Many people feel that saying something will be awkward or cause the other person to be upset. Sometimes these people make the mistake of saying nothing in order to avoid awkwardness. Saying something and letting your friend know that you care is ALWAYS better than saying nothing.

• When a loved one is lost, people usually send cards, bring over dinners, and sympathize for about three weeks. Those mourning a loss know that that sadness NEVER goes away. Check in with your friend periodically to see how they are feeling, and letting them know that you care- even after three weeks.

• Always let the person know that you care and you are there for them.

• Always offer a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear.

• NEVER say you know what the person is going through. All loss is different and people handle things differently. Unless you are them, you don't know what they are going through.

• Don't try to make your friend talk to you about their feelings. They might choose to talk to another friend, a family member, teacher, counselor, etc... If they want space or don't want to talk about their loss with you, they will let you know and you need to respect that.

• NEVER discuss what they are going through with other friends. Their sadness and loss shouldn't be made the gossip of the day.

• Don't try to tell the person how you would feel in their situation or how they should be feeling (or shouldn't be feeling). Their feelings are legitimate.