How to Find Your Glasses in the Snow

Maybe they fell off during a snowball fight or perhaps you slipped and fell on your way to the mailbox. However it happened, now you're helpless until you can get your glasses back on. Follow these steps and you'll see clearly again in no time.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Things You’ll Need:

• Warm clothes, especially gloves
• Spare glasses (optional)

1. Do not panic. Panic may cause you to move and it is even more important that you do not move. If you remain in the same spot as the moment your glasses left your face, chances are they are within reach.
2. Feel around beside and in front of you as far as you can reach. Use a gentle swiping motion along the top of the snow; your glasses are probably sticking up out of the snow somewhere, and you don't want to bury them completely with a patting-down motion.
3. Get on all fours and feel around the snow in the general direction you were facing when the glasses came off. Use the same gentle motion described above.
4. Politely enlist the help of a bystander ("Excuse me, could you please help me find my glasses?" is more likely to work than "Help! I lost my freaking glasses! Aarghh!"). Ask the good Samaritan to check for small disturbances in the snow if he or she cannot spot them right away.
5. See if you can make your way inside and find your spare pair. Then return to the scene and try to re-create the event that caused them to abandon you. If you can account for the trajectory of the offending snowball or recount the direction and manner in which you fell, you may be able to deduce the probably location of your spectacles.
6. Consider that after all that, if your glasses still have not appeared, it's time to get serious. Crawl all around the vicinity, pawing violently at the snow until you have flattened a crop circle roughly the size of an above-ground swimming pool. Stop when you hear a depressing "crunch" sound.
7. Wait until the snow melts and return to the same spot, only to find that your glasses have been shredded by a lawnmower.

Tips & Warnings

• People who wear contact lenses or have laser surgery rarely have this problem.
• If you lose your glasses while crossing the street during a snowstorm, do not attempt any of the above steps unless you are absolutely certain there is no traffic approaching from either direction.