How to Develop a Child's Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is generally defined and established during childhood. It is molded and shaped by the words, actions and behaviors that are directed toward children by their parents and loved ones. Healthy self-esteems with have a child approach life more positively, while low self-esteem will have the child more withdrawn, anxious and even frustrated, and no matter which a child has it will no doubt follow on to adulthood. Here's how to positively develop a child’s self-esteem.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

1. Be conscious and aware of what is said to a child. Children tend to hang on the words of their parents, and words can often linger in either a positive or negative way. Praising a child often will help them develop a confident self-esteem and they will feel good about themselves, while belittling putdowns can leave the child questioning their abilities and not feeling confident in themselves. It is better to look and praise the effort the child puts in even when the outcome may not be totally successful, because harping and picking at them for lack of success will not change the outcome, but it will chip away at the self-esteem.

2. Watch your own behavior and actions as a role model. Children learn from the behaviors and actions of their parents. So, a parent who is negative about their own abilities and focuses on all their negative flaws will create an opportunity for the child to emulate that behavior and teach them to begin to question their own worth. It is better to show an optimistic attitude and willingness to work on your self-esteem around the child, because the child will mirror that behavior.

3. Show an abundance of affection toward the child. Children respond well to love. They thrive on being hugged and shown warmth. The little ways a parent can show their love also count. Try leaving a little note in their lunch box or on their pillow and tell them how much you love them and are proud of them. Love and appreciation go a long way to nurturing a positive healthy self-esteem.

4. Focus on the positive when giving honest feedback. Parents have a tendency to react in the moment of a situation they see. For example, the child may have gotten all worked up over a dispute with there sibling, and a parent may be quick to point out, “You always get so worked up over nothing”, which sends a message to the child that they have no self control. After hearing those types of comments over and over, the child may start believing they have no self control. Instead, it is better to affirm and acknowledge the child’s feelings at the moment of the situation and maybe praise them for not allowing the situation to escalate further. For example, you might say, “You were really feeling angry at your sister, but I am proud of you for not hitting her and walking away to cool off.” This will encourage the better choices in handling situations.

5. Make sure the home life environment is safe. A child that does not feel they are going home to a safe environment will be more anxious and have a low self-esteem. Children should never be witness to abuse of any form. When children observe parents fighting and arguing, they tend to become depressed and withdrawn.

6. Watch for signs of unsafe situation that may be happening outside the home. This means look for signs of withdrawal and depression that may be due to something going on at school or abuse against the child from someone outside the home. Then intervene quickly to end the situation. Children that are subjected to bullying or other outside the home abuses will close themselves up and their self-esteem will slowly diminish.

7. Encourage the child to become part of volunteer and constructive programs. This allows the child to be placed in the position of doing good things for other people, and feeling affirmed for the good job they do. Exposure to positive praise will nurture their self-esteem.

Tips & Warnings

• When a parent notices signs of low self-esteem in their child, they should seek out the assistance of a counselor and therapy. This will help pinpoint the causes and help the child work through and passed them, improving their self-esteem along the way.
• A child who only hears a parent complaining about everything negative they do may not strive to be more than that, because the parent is breaking apart the child’s self-esteem. Focus on the good in the child.